Life Lately...

Wow, life has taken over lately! I've been MIA recently doing the whole mom, work, fiance planning a wedding thing. Guess life has gotten away from me a bit. So, lets sit down, chat, regroup. Shall we??

The mom gig has been pretty darn good lately. The kiddo made it back from DC. Survived 25 days without his mama and had his first plane ride. It is nice to have him back. The house feels like home again with all of his noises and giggles. Yes, there are some tantrums too, but I suppose it is all par for the course. I love him and am so glad he's back!

Work has been pretty much the norm, which is actually quite nice. With all of the other projects and and activities taking up the majority of my brain, it is nice to fall into the normal routine of the 8 hr work day.

Wedding....IT IS FAST approaching! I think I forgot all of the planning that went into the first one. The second one seems to be a bit more, but seems so much more worth it :) I am a happy girl who can't wait to marry my man! I think we have the majority of all of the little things done. Now is time to make lists upon lists upon lists to make sure that nothing is forgotten or not done how I had imagined it. (This is sure to be a challenge for me as I am not able to be present when the tables and decorations are being set up) I have a slight inward freak out about this almost daily, but try to remember that I have assigned my amazing cousin, Shawna to oversee the assembly. I am trying to get in tip top wedding shape, yet the stress of it all has me craving Oreos and ice cream. :( I haven't been able to work out like I would like due to the whole LIFE IS CRAZY thing goin' on. I NEED to get back into the swing of it! I just need to figure out where to fit it in again.

How's your summer going? Any fun trips or activities?? Tell me about 'em! :)

Life Changes

Life changes daily, yet in many ways it stays just the same. You get up, eat breakfast, kiss your kids, go to work, etc... each day has the familiar comfort of being exactly the same...comfortable. Then, there are times that life changes, your normal thinking patterns are challenged and you are standing at the fork in the road, forcing yourself to go down the path you know, the comfortable unchanging path, or down the new and different path, where comfortable is not always the option and change is evident.

For me, I have lived my life alone. Have I had others around me? Yes. Have I had others that love me? Yes. Yet, I have held them all at a distance, leaving my emotions and feelings to myself. Throughout my life, I have been the person that others turn to and have never allowed myself to be the person to turn to others. I have lived 29 years of my life keeping my emotions hidden away from the outside world. Recently though, I have started to take steps, baby steps, in reaching those emotions and finding out who in the hell this girl is without the emotional baggage that I have held on to for so long. This turn in the road has been nothing less than terrifying. I am being forced to think, to feel. It is amazing the amount of vulnerability that comes to the surface, making me feel completely stripped of my barriers against feeling.

Many days I go throughout my day completely overwhelmed at the process that I have begun. I am constantly doubting thoughts, decisions, conversations, etc... I guess I should though, look at the fact that I haven't quit yet. I haven't yet turned back to go down the road that I know, the one that I am comfortable with. I am scared as hell, as I feel like I am walking in the dark without a flashlight, afraid of what might jump out and grab me. Throughout my darkness, I am trying to keep in mind that in time, day will break and the darkness will begin to ease, bringing with it light and opportunity.

Missing Bubba Blues

Today it has been 12 days since I have seen my little man. Going a bit batty! Luckily, I have gotten to talk to him daily. This is something that he requested and I secretly loved hearing. Even though he is away, he still wants to talk to his mama! So far so good for him with his Dad. They haven't had to deal with the struggles that we face here on the home front. I have to admit, there are times that it bothers me that he doesn't have to experience the obstacles that Dave and I face on a daily basis, yet I am happy that Lane is enjoying his time away. BUT...there is a little mama feeling a bit blue that her baby is having a ton of fun without her :( boo. Yes, this is my baby time. I am feeling slightly sorry for myself in his absence. I am longing for his hug and to see his smile. Dave and I talk about him daily and think about how much Lane would enjoy this or that and become a bit sad because he is missing it. We are making plans for his return, making sure that we too get to create some great summer memories for him. We are contemplating a trip to Chicago and Adventureland. Weekend pool stops are a must. Dinner with friends, playdates, etc...

I miss my babydoll. 13 days and counting until his return!

New adventure

Good Morning friends! I have some exciting news to share with you all regarding the life of ME! This past weekend, I was in Chicago training to become an on location stylist for 1154 LILL Studio. This company is BRILLIANT!!! The premise is simple, you select your bag, select your fabric, then love your LILL when it is shipped to you! These purses are 100% customizable. You have all the creative power in selecting and pairing fabrics to create a handbag that you will love and is sure to draw attention!

I am not the type to typically involve myself in such a venture, but purses and fashion are 2 things that I am ubber passionate about! Paired with the idea that I have the capability to create something that is uniquely my own upped the ante in my decision making process! I am so excited to see where this venture will take me. I am excited to see the reaction of others when they get their own LILL handbag!

If you are interested in LILL, check out their website! I am also available if you have any questions!

http://www.1154lill.com/

Hope you all can catch my excitement! HAPPY MONDAY!

And then there was one...

Dave leaves today for a work trip to New York. That means it's just me until Wednesday. Bummer. It hasn't been just ME forever! At least I can relive our weekend together, which was pretty amazing. Nothing too spectacular, just spending time. Saturday, we went and visited the winery where our wedding is taking place. BEAUTIFUL!!!!!!!!! I am SOOO stinkin' excited now. It made everything so much more real. I'm getting married :) :) After freezin' our booties off at the winery, we headed to a brewery in Potosi. (I promise we are not alcoholics!) The day was rounded out by watching our friend Julie compete in a Roller Derby match. Man, I could do an entire post on the art of roller derby and how much I am NOT made for that sport! Julie did awesome though! It is fun to cheer her on! Yesterday was the average Sunday. Church, groceries, lunch with Dave's family. Simple, yet fun.

So, what am I to do without my man or my bubba home?!?!?!?! HELP!

1 afternoon down, 24 days to go...

Lane is off on his big adventure to DC. Mommy and Dave are at home in the quiet. We miss our boy already! It was hard not to give in to the temptation of calling to check in. Yes, I am that mom who calls all the time. This probably does more harm than good, as I constantly remind my child that I am sad he is gone. I told him yesterday that I would miss him terribly. In such a matter of fact way he answered, "Mom, I have to go see my dad." Since when did he get so mature and grown up about the situation?! His nonchalant attitude forced me to buck up and keep the tears at bay.

I know he will have a great time doing so many fun things. Dave and I will also enjoy some alone time which is definitely always a plus. Though we will all be keeping busy, we will still have the void of our Bubba. No countless questions on a trip, no singing from the back seat, no cuddles in the morning (those are my favorite). Oh well, such is life, right? I have to be a big girl and share!

This weekend Dave and I are going to the winery where our wedding will take place. We are super excited for our little trip away! Beautiful scenery, wine and my guy. Perfect!

Preparation

The preparation has begun. Lane leaves in 3 days for DC. The whole preparation part...yeah it has all been in my head. Inside, I am trying not to freak out while I keep the cool, calm and collected mom demeanor on the outside. My baby is going to be gone until July 5th! This trip is hands down the LONGEST he has EVER been away from me. So many people tell me that it will be a good break for me, a time for Dave and I to get some one on one time together. Yes, I need a break and Dave and I love our alone time, BUT 20 something days without my boy!?!?!? Are you kiddin' me?!?!?! There will be no snuggies, no hugs or kisses, no silly jokes that only Lane can tell, the list can go on forever :( I know I am probably sounding super childish and selfish as Lane needs to spend time with his dad and other family. Yet, I still want him here. With me. ALWAYS!

I have a feeling I will leave packing until the last minute, prolonging the inevitable as long as possible. Maybe if I deny it, it won't happen? Dave and I are taking him to lunch on Thursday as our goodbye to him. Then he is off and it will then go from 3 to 2. We will come home to a quiet house with no toys scattered across the living room. Maybe I will turn on Special Agent Oso in the mornings just to keep things familiar!

I can guarantee that many phone calls will be had and this mama will be thinking about her kiddo constantly! I can do this, right?