Wow, life has taken over lately! I've been MIA recently doing the whole mom, work, fiance planning a wedding thing. Guess life has gotten away from me a bit. So, lets sit down, chat, regroup. Shall we??
The mom gig has been pretty darn good lately. The kiddo made it back from DC. Survived 25 days without his mama and had his first plane ride. It is nice to have him back. The house feels like home again with all of his noises and giggles. Yes, there are some tantrums too, but I suppose it is all par for the course. I love him and am so glad he's back!
Work has been pretty much the norm, which is actually quite nice. With all of the other projects and and activities taking up the majority of my brain, it is nice to fall into the normal routine of the 8 hr work day.
Wedding....IT IS FAST approaching! I think I forgot all of the planning that went into the first one. The second one seems to be a bit more, but seems so much more worth it :) I am a happy girl who can't wait to marry my man! I think we have the majority of all of the little things done. Now is time to make lists upon lists upon lists to make sure that nothing is forgotten or not done how I had imagined it. (This is sure to be a challenge for me as I am not able to be present when the tables and decorations are being set up) I have a slight inward freak out about this almost daily, but try to remember that I have assigned my amazing cousin, Shawna to oversee the assembly. I am trying to get in tip top wedding shape, yet the stress of it all has me craving Oreos and ice cream. :( I haven't been able to work out like I would like due to the whole LIFE IS CRAZY thing goin' on. I NEED to get back into the swing of it! I just need to figure out where to fit it in again.
How's your summer going? Any fun trips or activities?? Tell me about 'em! :)
Monday, July 25, 2011
Sunday, July 3, 2011
Life Changes
Life changes daily, yet in many ways it stays just the same. You get up, eat breakfast, kiss your kids, go to work, etc... each day has the familiar comfort of being exactly the same...comfortable. Then, there are times that life changes, your normal thinking patterns are challenged and you are standing at the fork in the road, forcing yourself to go down the path you know, the comfortable unchanging path, or down the new and different path, where comfortable is not always the option and change is evident.
For me, I have lived my life alone. Have I had others around me? Yes. Have I had others that love me? Yes. Yet, I have held them all at a distance, leaving my emotions and feelings to myself. Throughout my life, I have been the person that others turn to and have never allowed myself to be the person to turn to others. I have lived 29 years of my life keeping my emotions hidden away from the outside world. Recently though, I have started to take steps, baby steps, in reaching those emotions and finding out who in the hell this girl is without the emotional baggage that I have held on to for so long. This turn in the road has been nothing less than terrifying. I am being forced to think, to feel. It is amazing the amount of vulnerability that comes to the surface, making me feel completely stripped of my barriers against feeling.
Many days I go throughout my day completely overwhelmed at the process that I have begun. I am constantly doubting thoughts, decisions, conversations, etc... I guess I should though, look at the fact that I haven't quit yet. I haven't yet turned back to go down the road that I know, the one that I am comfortable with. I am scared as hell, as I feel like I am walking in the dark without a flashlight, afraid of what might jump out and grab me. Throughout my darkness, I am trying to keep in mind that in time, day will break and the darkness will begin to ease, bringing with it light and opportunity.
For me, I have lived my life alone. Have I had others around me? Yes. Have I had others that love me? Yes. Yet, I have held them all at a distance, leaving my emotions and feelings to myself. Throughout my life, I have been the person that others turn to and have never allowed myself to be the person to turn to others. I have lived 29 years of my life keeping my emotions hidden away from the outside world. Recently though, I have started to take steps, baby steps, in reaching those emotions and finding out who in the hell this girl is without the emotional baggage that I have held on to for so long. This turn in the road has been nothing less than terrifying. I am being forced to think, to feel. It is amazing the amount of vulnerability that comes to the surface, making me feel completely stripped of my barriers against feeling.
Many days I go throughout my day completely overwhelmed at the process that I have begun. I am constantly doubting thoughts, decisions, conversations, etc... I guess I should though, look at the fact that I haven't quit yet. I haven't yet turned back to go down the road that I know, the one that I am comfortable with. I am scared as hell, as I feel like I am walking in the dark without a flashlight, afraid of what might jump out and grab me. Throughout my darkness, I am trying to keep in mind that in time, day will break and the darkness will begin to ease, bringing with it light and opportunity.
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