Life changes daily, yet in many ways it stays just the same. You get up, eat breakfast, kiss your kids, go to work, etc... each day has the familiar comfort of being exactly the same...comfortable. Then, there are times that life changes, your normal thinking patterns are challenged and you are standing at the fork in the road, forcing yourself to go down the path you know, the comfortable unchanging path, or down the new and different path, where comfortable is not always the option and change is evident.
For me, I have lived my life alone. Have I had others around me? Yes. Have I had others that love me? Yes. Yet, I have held them all at a distance, leaving my emotions and feelings to myself. Throughout my life, I have been the person that others turn to and have never allowed myself to be the person to turn to others. I have lived 29 years of my life keeping my emotions hidden away from the outside world. Recently though, I have started to take steps, baby steps, in reaching those emotions and finding out who in the hell this girl is without the emotional baggage that I have held on to for so long. This turn in the road has been nothing less than terrifying. I am being forced to think, to feel. It is amazing the amount of vulnerability that comes to the surface, making me feel completely stripped of my barriers against feeling.
Many days I go throughout my day completely overwhelmed at the process that I have begun. I am constantly doubting thoughts, decisions, conversations, etc... I guess I should though, look at the fact that I haven't quit yet. I haven't yet turned back to go down the road that I know, the one that I am comfortable with. I am scared as hell, as I feel like I am walking in the dark without a flashlight, afraid of what might jump out and grab me. Throughout my darkness, I am trying to keep in mind that in time, day will break and the darkness will begin to ease, bringing with it light and opportunity.
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