Weekend rewind

It is crazy how fast weekends fill up! You think you are going to have a weekend sittin' on the sofa catching up on the tube, until life fills up! That is how our weekend was. It went from nothing much to super fun with friends and family!

Lane had a sleepover on Friday, which left Dave and I with a date night at home. Dave worked his magic in the kitchen and prepared some super tasty steak fajitas! YUM-O!! After dinner, it was movie night. Social Network and P.S. I Love You were our choices. Prior to dinner, I, trying to be the super sweet, considerate girlfriend that I am, chugged down a 5 hr energy drink in order to stay awake past 8:00!! I feel bad that the minute a movie or program starts, I am instantly in snooze mode. Guess I should have saved my money, as I was asleep no longer than a half hour in! Stupid drink had no problem keeping me up later though as Dave was asleep and I was wide-eyed in bed trying to turn off my brain!

Saturday was family dinner with friends which brought many belly laughs and great conversation! I absolutely LOVE my friends!! :)

Yesterday was church, grocery store and family dinner at my parents with my cousin, his wife and their 2 kiddos. My step dad made a feast fit for a king and we all left with big tummies and sleepy eyes!

Why does the weekend have to end?!

The kiddo

I have spoken of Lane often within my posts but have never really let you all know what makes him well, HIM! He is such a sight for sore eyes in my book. Charming, hysterical, sweet, kind, stubborn, etc... the list from his momma could go on and on!

He was born April 14, 2005 at 6:11pm weighing 6lbs 11oz! 21 3/8 inches long. I was in love from the first second I saw him

He never crawled..walked before a year.

He loves music! I often find him singing in the backseat! :)

He LOVES to snuggle! This is something I pray will never change but know my time is limited, as he will get to the age when snuggling with mom is uncool.

He has several nicknames: Boo bear, baby doll, Wheatie and Bubba



His laugh is contagious.

His eyes constantly sparkle with innocence with a hint of mischief sprinkled in.

He tells me he loves me more times in a day than I can count.

He can quote the movie Cars

He says he wants to play football for the Hawkeyes when he get big.

He is a good kid, who brings my life so much joy.

I LOVE HIM to pieces!!

Fellow blogger gives inspiration

Since starting my blog, I have been following another by a gal named Stephanie Nielson. She is a mom of 4 living in Utah with her husband and family. However, this woman fascinates me beyond belief. In 2008, she and her husband were involved in a plane crash that left both of them severely injured. Both survived, but Stephanie was left with 80% of her body burned. The way that she has handled herself and her circumstances since the accident leave me in complete awe of her. She inspires me each day with her simple, yet heartfelt posts. This woman has gone through so much, yet manages to see the good rather than focusing on the negative.

When life gets me down, all I have to do is remember that things could always be worse. I need to remember to focus on the positives. I think I have a piece of a Negative Nelly molded into my DNA, but I am really trying to concentrate on changing my perspective of situations and focus on the GOOD that can come out of any situation. I am learning that things are not always meant to have a happy ending or come out the way that I expect them to. It is then that I need to take a breath and realize that everything will still be ok...

If any of you are interested in following Stephanie's blog, you can do so! Here's her link! http://nieniedialogues.blogspot.com

My Goosebumps Moment

Yesterday, while driving home from my parents with Dave and Lane, I had a goosebumps moment as Lane was jabbering away in the backseat. Out of no where, he blurted out that he loves God and Jesus and talks to them all the time. He said that when he has a problem, he can talk to God and he will help him. Example: if he is having trouble writing the letter "g" God will throw him down a pencil and he can write it correctly :) (So sweet!)

He said that he loves everyone and everything because we are all made by God and that He is all around us. This conversation left me with my mouth open in awe at the wisdom coming from my little guy. It seemed like all of a sudden a light switched on and he GOT IT! He knows that we are here because of our Lord and he knows that he has a path to follow to reach him. He even went as far as to say he wanted to restart prayer time before bed. This was something I had done for quite awhile until he said he didn't want to pray before bedtime anymore. That made me sad, but I didn't want to force him to do it. I guess I always hoped that the need would come back. I was overjoyed inside when it did. What a blessing that was!

A Food Victory!

Last night Dave and I were able to take a point for the parents team on the war on FOOD! Lane has tended to be a picky eater, only scarfing down mac 'n cheese, spaghetti O's, hot dogs, etc... Until now!! We have be really working with him on trying new things. We have even started the rule that the above listed foods are now only allowed at lunch time on the weekends. If he doesn't eat what is put before him, then he will be a hungry little boy. Last night was a big test as we were making salmon for dinner. I was a tad worried because salmon has stronger fish taste than other fish he had eaten before. However, I did remember that a few weeks ago, we made "Crabby Patties" (salmon patties) and he did just fine. As I prepared his plate I was nervous because if he REALLY didn't like it, then was it fair for me to make him go hungry??? Thankfully, that dilemma didn't come into play because he actually liked it! I mean REALLY liked it!! YAHOO!!! I was cheering inside for this little victory!

Another technique that we have just started, thanks to the show Supernanny, is setting a time limit on his dinner. That child could spend well over an hour storing food in his chipmunk cheeks, making virtually no progress!!! So, we have given him a 30 minute time limit. Whatever is not finished at that time is thrown away. He isn't being punished at all. It is simply meant to teach him that he needs to buckle down and stay focused at dinner, as he tends to want to play and jabber. So far, this has been pretty effective. He is trying to beat his previous time every night. It makes me feel good as a mom knowing that he is getting the healthiest food that I can provide him.

What eating dilemmas have you faced with your kids?? How did you handle them??? Talk to me people!!!! :)

Have a happy Tuesday!

A Few things...

Just a few things I observed this weekend...

1. My laundry pile NEVER goes away

2. Lane is actually starting to fill out his size 5 jeans. No adjustable waist days may be coming soon.

3. 14 5-year-olds at a bowling alley for a birthday party is super chaotic, yet fun at the same time.

4. I'm crazy in love! (this I have observed before but it keeps gettin' better!)

5. Olive Garden's chicken alfredo just isn't the same with the healthier wheat pasta.

6. Wii bowling is addicting.

7. Weekends go by WAY too fast!

8. Yogi Bear is cute for kids but a snooze fest for their adult chaperone's.

9. I haven't ran since last Sunday...need to change that

10. I laughed a lot :)

Hope everyone has a happy Monday!

I'm thankful for...

This week has been a tough one for me so I thought it would be a good idea to write some things that I am thankful for, instead of focusing on the downers. So...here we go.

1. I am so very thankful for love. For the love from Dave, Lane, my family and friends. They all show me so much each day. I know that I sometimes take that for granted. If any of you are reading this, I LOVE YOU all to pieces.

2. I touched on this in #1, but I am sooo thankful for my girlfriends. I can't say that I have bundles of them, but the few that I do have are so incredibly precious to me. They empower me when I need it and listen when I cry. There is never an ounce of judgement. Without you ladies, I would not be who I am.

3. I am thankful for this blog and for all who read it. Taking on this project was a sketchy thing for me. So I thank you for your comments of encouragement. Gives me warm fuzzies inside!

4. I am thankful for my life. Though it can sometimes seem unbearable, I wouldn't change a thing. I am thankful for the good times, the hard times, the sad times, the fun times. Thankful for it all. We all have a road map to follow. Not all areas are going to be smooth, straight shots. Sometimes we get up in the mountains or on roads that might need repair. But hey, as long as we keep on moving we know we will eventually get to our destination.

I hope everyone has a fantastic weekend. I am spending it snuggling with my babydoll and my honey. :)

What are some things you are thankful for????

Mixed Emotions

Yesterday was meeting # 2 with Lane's play therapist. Since our first meeting, Lane has seemed to turn a small corner. His anger has been few and far between recently, letting me breathe a slight sigh of relief. Though progress is being made, there is still quite a bit of work to be done. The biggest task ahead...talking to his father about shortening his summer stay. Within our divorce, it stated that he is to have Lane for 60 days. However, Lane has never been away from me for more than 2 weeks since he was born, with those 2 weeks being spent with his father last summer. The therapist feels that the extended amount of time away could be developmentally and emotionally taxing on Lane. At this point, I am at a standstill on what to do or where to turn. It would seem logical to just call him up and tell him the situation. If it were only that easy...

When I anticipate how the conversation would play out, my anxiety levels automatically rise. Communication was not something that we excelled at and is still something we struggle with. The conversations are quick to turn into a you said, I said, he said, she said type of deal with voices and emotions being raised. I try to see the person who he says he is now, but have yet to get past the person I know all to well. I have gotten to the point where the topic preoccupies me throughout the day, causing anxiety and depression. I am the mom, I am suppose to protect my child from things that could harm him. (not at all implying that his father would) Yet, I can't manage to make a phone call for fear of what would be said! Here I sit, writing to all of you about my worries and concerns while my phone sits next to me, knowing that I don't have the guts to call.

My one saving grace is that Lane's Doctor has offered to call him after a few more meetings to try to explain the situation to him. I am praying that he can get him to see the severity of the situation and how the extended time away from me could hurt him. I am in no way trying to keep Lane from him. I have always pushed for their relationship. Even if the two of us don't get a long, he IS Lane's dad and Lane deserves to have him in his life. I just pray that we can come to a compromise, somehow...

Thoughts from the treadmill

Happy Monday everyone! (I am sounding much more enthusiastic than I am feelin' on this Monday morning) Hope everyone had a great weekend. Mine was pretty good, got some quality time in with my boys. What else could a girl want, huh? Well, yesterday morning I was planning on getting up at 5:45 to run before getting ready for church. As you can probably guess, that did not happen. My bed was just too darn warm and comfy for me to even entertain the thought of getting out of it before I absolutely HAD to. So...there I dozed until 6:45 when the day was forced to begin. I went on with my day feeling relatively low on the guilt scale for not running. My thought process was that it was Sunday for goodness sake! A girl needs a day off! BUT, then I realized that if I didn't get a run in at some point then I would be getting up at 4am this morning to squeeze one in before work. So at around 7:30, I put on my gear and trudged my booty to the basement for a date with the mill.

I knew I would need some motivation as I was missing bath time with Lane and the oh-so-loved snuggle time before bed. I decided to throw on my running jersey shirt from the Marathon to hopefully help my legs do there thing. Luckily for me, it seemed to help. As I was running, I replayed a lot of the race in my head and actually found myself being motivated to buckle down and get it done. It is amazing how I went from running 26.2 miles to struggling just to finish 3. Even though I am NO WHERE near where I want to be on my running scale, I was proud of finishing strong. The art of running is a constant thing. If you stop, you lose what you gained. I am easing my way back into mileage. In time, I know I will get there.

Thoughts from the treadmill

Liar, Liar

It's finally Friday! Gosh, it has been a LONG week. Getting up twice this week at 4am to run has definitely been an adjustment. Paired with rotating nights to wake up Lane to go potty has placed me in a fog the last few days. Last nights episode added to the haze and stress. It appears that a certain little boy in my house has felt the need lie in order to get the things he wants. Here's the breakdown.

As most of you know, every day Lane has to get at least 3 stickers at school in order to be able to get a reward at the end of the week. For me to track this, his teacher sends home a journal each day with the total he has earned. Yesterday there was a substitute in his room, as his teacher was out for the day. Dave offered to pick Lane up from daycare so he would be the first to hear of the days outcome. Once Dave got there Lane ran to him and exclaimed that he had 4 stickers and no reports at daycare. To us, that is a perfect day! Good days at school mean good nights at home with either DS or family Wii time. So, as I walked in Lane was playing DS on the couch. I asked him how his day was. It was then that the truth came out. He said he had a couple of problems and didn't get 4 stickers. When I asked him how many stickers he actually received he said he "thinks" he got 3 but wasn't sure because the teacher didn't have time to write his day in his journal.

And so began our discussion on telling the truth and the fact that no matter what he does, telling the truth is ALWAYS better than lying to cover it up. For the lying, his punishment was a 5 minute time out followed by no more DS. That news brought an academy award winning meltdown and night on "the dark side". This morning had a rocky start but he assured me that he would turn it around and finish off the week strong. Lets hope so, because I really want to see Yogi Bear and might be more disappointed than he would be if we can't go see it!

How do you deal with the issue of lying with your kids?

Skinny Bitch

A coworker of mine has let me borrow the book Skinny Bitch, by Rory Freedman and Kim Barnouin. For anyone needing a kick in the pants to jump start their weight loss or to simply being thinking about the food that they eat, should definitely pick it up! It is filled with blunt, honest, and sometimes harsh comments that definitely get a gal to think about what she is putting in her pie hole.

The first chapter deals with giving up certain foods or habits that prevent a healthy lifestyle. Here are a few.
-stop smoking
-don't drink to get wasted
-no pop
-no coffee (I am crying inside)
-stop running to the pharmacy every time you get a sniffle. They state that your body has what it needs to get you better, you just gotta be patient. (This is something I will need to work on. I love me some meds when I am feelin' icky)
-give up the crappy food!
-get your arse movin'! How many couch potatoes are skinny?

I was lucky when reading this chapter that I am not having to give up much on the list. But it really did make me think about what is in the things that I eat and how laziness can effect my health, both mentally and physically.

Now, 12 more chapters to go until I'm one of the "skinny bitches"

*Before I go, I want to express that my whole goal here is not to lose a ton of weight, but rather get healthy and more conscious of the foods that I eat. This type of thing might not be for everyone. Hell, it might not even be for me! The next chapters pertain to carbs and sugar. That right there might make me burn the book all together!*

Date night with Dave

Last night Lane was picked up from school by his Aunt for some quality time with her and his Grandma, which left the perfect opportunity for a date night with my honey. It is so nice to be able to break up the week with a night out by ourselves. Don't get me wrong, we LOVE having the little guy with us for dinner, either at home or out. BUT, the adult time is nice too!

Dave chose the destination, Ferrari's. YUM-O. Lucky for us, they were pretty dead on a Tuesday night so we got right in. I have to admit though, that I was slightly nervous to dine out since I have been really trying to watch the calories and food intake. I took the advice from a fellow blogger and have started writing down everything that I eat in a day and the approximate # of calories each food has. Did you know that a banana is 107 calories?! I was seriously heartbroken when I learned this, as bananas are my FAVORITE fruit! :( Ok, back on track...I was in luck with dinner 'cause they had an appetizing light menu for all of the health conscious people in the Cedar Valley. So, lemon sauteed shrimp with brown rice and asparagus was consumed. Surprisingly, it was quite tasty. However, I did miss the yumminess of the butter dripping off of the shrimp I usually eat. I also succeed in saying NO to the bread basket. This, is an absolute first for me. I did not partake in the yummy goodness of Italian breads dipped in olive oil and Parmesan cheese. Dave had some pasta/seafood medley, which wasn't quite my cup of tea. We spent an hour or so enjoying each others company over a bottle of wine and our tasty dishes. Then it was back home to wait for Lane.

Family Wii fun was had before getting Lane to bed. It was a great night with my boys. :)

I'd like to thank the Academy...

Well what a way to start my Tuesday morning than by receiving a post from a fellow blogger, Stephanie, the author of Thorns Have Roses. She was gracious enough to nominate me for a Stylish Blogger award! :) Super smiles on my end today! So, now that I have my lovely award, here's what I have to do!

There are 4 duties to perform to accept this award:

1. Make a post + Link back to the person who awarded you this award.
2. Share 7 things about yourself.
3. Award 10 recently discovered great bloggers
4. Contact these bloggers and tell them they’ve won!

Ok, 7 things about me...

1. I love Julia Roberts. Love all of her movies and own most of them. I can quote Pretty Woman almost word for word. Yes, I realize that this is pathetic, but hey, it's me!

2. I'm kind of OCDish on ways that I eat. Example: when eating M&M's it is essential to sort them by color, eat them in 2's and if there are not 2 of a same color, I eat the odd ones first. Again, pathetic!

3. When I was younger I aspired to be a Doctor until I realized that I needed to be good in science and see blood. Needless to say, science was never my forte and blood is not something I wish to see on a consistent basis.

4. I am obsessed with shoes and purses. A girl can NEVER own too many pairs of shoes!

5. I am the farthest thing from graceful. I constantly run into things. Even once, running into a screen door. :(

6. If it was really possible to be addicted to chocolate, I would be at the front of the line. I LOVE it more than most people.

7. My mom is my hero. She has been through so much in my lifetime and has always handled everything with amazing amounts of strength and grace. I wouldn't be half of the woman that I am today without her in my corner.


Bloggers I am NOMINATING :) Ok, I am new to this and don't have 10 yet but will do as much as I can!

1.Lindsey http://101days2healthy.blogspot.com
2. Stephanie (Hoping I can nominate her again!) http://stephaniejothomas.blogspot.com
3. marathon mommies http://marathonmommies.blogspot.com
4. Ms. Single Mama http://mssinglemama.com/
5 NieNie http://nieniedialogues.blogspot.com

Before I go, I must give an update on Lane's bedtime pottying. Last night was a success! I got him up at midnight and his alarm woke him up at 3. This morning was filled with dry undies, and high fives!!! So proud of my little guy!

Pull ups no more!

Lane has been potty trained since he was three. Surprisingly, it was pretty easy. A weekend at home filled with water, a potty and momma's constant eye resulted in making the magic happen in the pot! It was great! NO MORE DIAPERS! Fast forward 2 years to present day life. Lane is still doing phenomenal with daytime pottying. Night time...well, that is a WHOLE other can of worms. The child sleeps harder than most grown men and is a character out of a zombie movie if woken up at night to pee! Thus, we have had nights accompanied by pull ups. Lane despises the pull ups, something I can't blame him for, but consistently still wets his bed at night. I had spoken to his doc and he said that every child is different and that boys have a harder time with it than girls. I also learned that it is hereditary! After hearing that bit of news, I was happy to find out that he did NOT get the wetting gene from me! WHEW! However, we are still left with the sleepy time troubles.

Last week, Dave graciously offered to wake Lane up twice a night in order to make him go potty. The first time was around 10:30ish. That was a no go. The second time was midnight and again, the pipes were dry. We were in the clear! Or so we thought. Monday morning consisted of wet pants and new sheets. Monday thru Thursday, Dave got him up at 12 and 3. This seemed to work great! Lane was dry every morning! Dave, however, was realizing that getting up twice a night wears on him a bit! Saturday night we decided to let Lane try to get up on his own accord. With both of us sleeping soundly, neither of us heard if he had gotten up throughout the night or not, though I suspected the answer was no, the child just will NOT wake up!

On to plan B. Yesterday we got Lane an alarm clock and set it for 3AM. He was super excited to use it and PROMISED to go potty when it went off. Around 3:30 Dave went in to check and Lane said he did get up. BUT, he was already wet from a previous time :( BUMMER! Another morning of new undies and a change of sheets. This morning Dave and I decided to rotate nights and get Lane up at midnight and allow his alarm to wake him at 3. Lets PRAY this will work. The poor kiddo hates his pull ups and would really hate to have to go back to them

Has anyone had any kind of potty training struggles?? What worked for you? What didn't?

Little girl, Big dreams

As long as I can remember, I have LOVED writing. I love reading the written word as well as writing it. As a child, I was constantly writing little letters and notes to anyone who would read them. At one time, I even replicated text from my favorite book onto writing paper, making sure the words and penmanship were perfect. After completing my masterpiece, I ran to my Dad where I was sure to receive rousing approval for my efforts. Little did I know, it was then that I received my first lesson in plagiarism! :( Though discouraged, my love of writing was far from deterred. If anything, it has grown into one of my main passions, but something that until recently, has taken a backseat to this thing we call life.

This blog is the first step in keeping myself accountable in my writing. It is helping me further develop my craft and will hopefully help me gain the confidence to move into the big scary world of PUBLISHING. That's right kids, I want to be an AUTHOR. (Stating that sentence just put me in emotional overload for the week!) Seeing my name as the author of a piece of work is something I have always wanted, but have been far too scared to try. I can't quite pinpoint why I have had this fear, but a big part of it is the fear of rejection. There are people out there that could tell me that my work blows and to keep my day job. I am trying to learn how to get the thick skin needed to face the criticism, all while keeping faith in myself and my dream.

My dream as an author is to write children's books. I recall telling my mom one day that I wanted to be on the Today Show, sitting next to Matt Lauer, telling him about my book. (I am well aware of how far fetched this dream really is, but hey, you gotta aim high, right?!) I have several concepts and drafts that I have compiled and am now at the point where I need to put the pedal to the metal and make it happen. That though is both terrifying and exhilarating all at once. Like I stated before, I am terrified at the idea of naysayers, yet ecstatic that I have gotten to the point where I am comfortable enough to discuss the idea of actual making this happen.

2011 is the year for new things and old dreams coming true!

Why weight...change is NOW

It has been 3 months since the marathon and I have recently gotten back into some type of workout routine. I try to go to the gym or do a workout DVD at least 3 days a week. Sadly though, working out with Jillian Michaels isn't too exciting. I look at her and the skinny bimbos working along side her and secretly hate them for their effortlessness. Really Jillian, do you think a NORMAL individual is meant to kick that high or squat that low? Not this girl! My clumsy ass is about to fall over when asked to put all my weight on one leg and kick the other to the side. Then, while at the gym I am so self conscious of the meat heads around me that I spend most of my time making sure my fat isn't rolling out over my pants! It is so ungodly frustrating, this whole working out thing. I try and I try and I try to get lean and toned, but this body of mine feels otherwise. This result adds to the feeling of discouragement. I put this work in, try to eat healthy and live a healthy lifestyle. Yet, things aren't panning out how I want them to! It is so incredibly discouraging to look at a commercial, magazine or newspaper and see Miss Perfect staring back at me! I know that I shouldn't let the media play into my view of my body. But anyone who says they don't, at least to some degree, is lying. We have this view of perfection and everyone, in some way shape or form, tries their best to attain it.

Maybe I am at the more critical end of that spectrum. I know that I drive Dave CRAZY with my constant self loathing. I need to be happy with what I've got. This is something that I am struggling with, yet really trying to learn to do. I am trying not to point out every imperfection and actually try to embrace them. Yet, I find myself constantly comparing myself to the lady shopping next to me, the girl at church, etc. If I look at a picture of myself, my eyes automatically target the bad parts, paying no attention to the things about myself that I am ok with. Why can't I get past this?

Dave and I love cooking and we love to eat. We try to cook as healthy as possible, yet I find myself at the same number on the scale. I make sure I eat breakfast every morning, followed by a snack at 10:00, lunch, a snack at 3:00, then dinner. In general, I try to be done with dinner by 7:00 and cut myself off for the rest of the night.

Not sure where to go from here, but I am thinking that I simply need to kick it up a notch. Make myself even more accountable for the things that I do. Bump up my workouts and the number of days. It's either time to zip my lip and be happy with what I've got or put on my big girl undies and make a change.

I just felt like runnin'...Part II

...A week before the race I completed my 20 mile run, followed by a week of tapering in order to prepare my body for the race. It seemed like the week played out in slow motion, leaving me restless for the day to actually arrive. Dave and I left on Sunday for the 5 hr drive to Chicago. I think we were both a little nervous as there wasn't much conversation. Once there, we headed straight to the event center where we were to pick up our packets with our bib # and shoe attachment. Being from small town Iowa, it was a shock to the system to see that many people in one place. My anxiety grew by the minute and I started to sweat. It was then that I began to realize the goal I was going to attempt in less than 24 hrs. There were over 49,0000 registered participants with my # being 45549.

After getting our packets and checking out the health expo, we headed to our hotel. The 2 mile drive took literally 45 minutes! Walkers got to their destinations before we moved 10 ft! The entire city was a zoo. Everywhere you turned there was a runner. It left me feeling quite overwhelmed. I again began to doubt myself and fear that this task was too big for me to take on. Running by myself on the trail was a hell of a lot different than running with 49,000+ people! Who was I to think that I was capable enough, trained enough to attempt something of this caliber? My mind was like a marquee sign, constantly replaying the doubts inside my head. I was terrified out of my mind!

Next stop was dinner, where we had to make sure we had some good carbs to boost our body. This was the highlight to my day! me+carbs= happy Sarah! :) Dave and I found a great Italian restaurant for spaghetti and meatballs. YUM! We allowed ourselves a glass of wine to relax, which actually helped. So, me+carbs+wine= happy, relaxed Sarah. Where was that wine at midnight as I lay awake in bed freaking out?! Before I knew it 5am arrived and it was time game time. Shirt-check, shorts-check, sports bra x2-check, socks-check, shoes-check, watch-check, mind...check??

The walk to the starting line felt like I was walking to my death. Were spaghetti and meatballs really going to be my last meal?? The morning was perfect with a slight breeze and cool temperatures. Perfect running conditions. Maybe it wouldn't be AS bad as I thought after all. Start time was 7:30, which left me with some time to mentally prepare. Dave has super running speed so he was up close to the front and I was back with the "normal" people waiting. Waiting. Waiting. Minute by minute more and more people showed up. Before I knew it, we were packed in like sardines. Elbow to elbow, hugely invading personal spaces! It was the most surreal feeling to be standing there with that group of people, all with the same goal in mind. To run 26.2 miles in 6 hrs or less. Surprisingly while the National Anthem was sang, I was calm and focused. More focused than I have ever been before. I thought to myself... 26.2 miles. 6 miles an hour. 10 minutes a mile. I can do this. Stay on track. Keep breathing under control. Don't trip. Don't trip. DO NOT TRIP!

Once the race officially started, it was still several minutes before our section got to the actual start. As we slowly crept forward, "Right Now" by Van Halen blared from the speakers. My body was instantly filled with goosebumps and adrenaline. It was GAME TIME!!! LETS DO THIS! Wholly CRAP, I was running a marathon!

The first 13 miles went by relatively quickly. I was staying right on course for my 10 minute mile and my legs felt great. The crowd was AMAZING and gave off so much energy! (there were over 2 million spectators!) Everyone was screaming, clapping and holding signs of support. It was such an incredible feeling to see so many people there to support and encourage us.

Mile 14 and 15 were a bit harder as the route began to turn and head back the way we came. Sounds simple, right? Well, unfortunately by that time the sun was high and HOT! AND there were no trees for shade. It was then that my optimism began to waiver. I was hot, very hot and my legs were wearing out, fast! At mile 16, I still had 10 miles to go and my pace had slowed dramatically, this made me wonder if I was ever going to finish. Each mile seemed to take an eternity! I ended up missing a mile marker and at one point and thought I was coming up to mile 21. I then saw mile 20, I was devastated! It was such a mental kick in the gut to know that I was a mile behind where I thought I should be. At this point I was unable to focus on the crowd for energy. I was angry, sad and feeling extremely defeated. I had this goal, this ending that I wanted to see and it was as if it was something that I was not meant to reach.

VERY slowly, I somehow continued on. I think at that point I was so livid at the damn race that I wasn't going to let it win. I was crossing that finish line even if that meant crawling, rolling, or any other way to get my fanny across that line. Mile 24, 25, 26. WHOOHOO, I am getting there! THEN, the damned .2 part of the journey. That by far was the most challenging part. The end was in sight yet my legs felt that they couldn't go any further. They were pleading with me to stop. My knees were throbbing and my feet were on fire. How on earth would I get there? Fortunately, the crowd again swelled to giant numbers and you could see the enjoyment on their faces to see us complete. Somehow, from a place that I still haven't found, I was able to pick up my pace and actually sprint, yes SPRINT up the last hill and to the finish line.

I would love to say that I had a moment of splendor as I crossed the red line. All I can remember is the fact that I could FINALLY stop running! I was done. I did it. It was over. Now what?? I was in a daze, almost shock at what had taken 5:07:03 to complete. What do I do now? Where do I go? People were asking me so many questions that I don't remember answering. All I wanted to do was find Dave. How was I to find him in ALL of these people? Do I stand there and wait? Do I keep walking? When I finally saw him all I could do was collapse into his chest with relief. It was over. I had just ran and completed the 2010 Chicago Marathon.

I just felt like runnin'... Part I

Last March I got a wild hair and decided to train for a marathon.  Why you ask?  I'm still not quite sure what drove me to this insanity. I had just completed a 13 week boot camp like program at the gym and was in the best shape of my life.  So I thought then was as good of  time as any.  Fortunately for me, I had a coworker, Dave, who ran marathons. I found myself picking his brain for information as to how to prepare and run the daunting 26.2 miles. Keep in mind that before this, I had only ran maybe a mile, tops!  He was nice enough to get me pointed in the right direction. He got me set up with a 16 week training program. All that was left for me to do was to commit to a race.  Easier said than done!  The thought of actually putting money down meant I was REALLY committed. This wasn't chump change I would be spending, it was $145! In the end, I decided to put my money where my mouth was and sign up for the Chicago Marathon, which was 10/10/10.  That left me with 7 months to prepare. YIKES!  Luckily for me, Dave came to my rescue and helped me begin. Our first run together was my longest....ever. 5 miles.  Surprisingly, it wasn't as bad as I had anticipated. I had to stop a few times to breathe, but found the run more enjoyable than I had imagined.  And so began the making of a marathoner.

Training officially didn't begin until June, which left some time to get my base built up. By the time it started, I could easily do a 6 mile run without  problems. Who would have thought that I, a girl who only ran to my car when it was cold or raining outside, could run 6 miles!? I was beyond excited! Training progressed and before I knew it, my Saturday mornings were filled with 8+ mile runs, working my way up to the big 20 miler a week before the event. Even with my mileage slowly creeping higher each week, I never let myself think of the idea that I would actually run 26.2 miles after all was said and done.

After weeks of running, I could feel myself getting stronger, and possibly a little faster. I found myself yearning to run.  It is amazing the conversations that a person has with themselves as they are trying to distract themselves when they have a 14 mile run to do at 7am.  I found myself singing songs that my 5 yr old had learned in Kindergarten, making grocery lists, etc... I did a lot of thinking about my life. The good, the bad and all the stuff in between. Before I knew it, I was running to Hudson and back. It was something that months ago I couldn't fathom. I ran to another town! Who does that??

Though the majority of the training was okay for me, it was also filled with many struggles. The mental toughness that a person training for a marathon has to build up is insane. There were days where my mind and legs would not match up and a 6 mile run seemed excruciating. On those days, I would automatically start doubting my capabilities and wonder if completing the training, let alone the marathon, was something I could do. I just wanted to say SCREW THIS to it all. I wanted my life back, my Saturday mornings with Lane. But then, after a shower and time to cool down, I would always go back to the idea that I WAS succeeding in my training. Not every day is going to be a good day. Though that statement sounds simple, for a person like me, who always strives to be the best at what I do, it was hard to swallow.

A second struggle that I was faced with was fatigue. After weeks upon weeks of training, my body was telling me that it was tired. Every inch of me was tired. I recall one Saturday morning when it was cold and raining outside. I actually cried during my drive to the trail because I was dreading the next 3 hours. But, like always, once I got out there, I became lost in the run. Before I knew it 18 miles was done.

During the middle of my training I started to have pain in my right knee. It started out with numbness and throbbing. However, the more I ran, the more it hurt. So, 3 weeks before my race, I made a trip to the doctor to make sure everything was ok. His diagnosis, tendinitis. My first question was, can I run? He said I wasn't doing any permanent damage to my knee but the only way for it to go away was to stop running. REALLY?!?! I was 3 weeks from race day, there was no way that I could stop now! So, I drugged myself up on ibuprofen before each run and ran my final 20 miles pain free.

Next came days of tapering in order to prepare for race day. Stay tuned for my first marathon experience!

Getting the Stink Out

Lane has been home for a few days now, and with that comes many struggles. I always refer to his readjustment time as "getting the stink out". It is the time where he has to learn to get back into his normal routine. Something he tends to greatly dislike. Asking him to do normal, everyday tasks begin the battle of World War III. It is so frustrating and beyond draining for me. All I want to do is spend time with him, reconnecting after his time away. However, the majority of the time is spent redirecting his behavior and reminding him of OUR house rules and expectations.

This weekend I made him a behavior chart to try to curb his bad behaviors and reward the good ones. Each day broken into 4 sections.

- Breakfast/Getting dressed
- Pick up Toys
- Dinner/Bath
- Jammies/Bedtime
Each section has the capability for him to get stickers added to the chart. If he gets at least 4 stickers each day he will earn a reward at the end of the week. Seems simple right? Lets hope it works.

In general, he usually does quite well. But, then something just switches in his brain and it is like another child appears. He has gone back to the growling, yelling, kicking and scowling. All of the things that we were working on before he left for his week with Dad. It is so hard dealing with the differences between our two households. When he is with Daddy, life is fun and games. Then, when back with Mom, normal life ensues. It is hard always having to be the bad guy, the parent who has to enforce the rules and dish out discipline. Trying to talk to his Dad about these issues is like trying to talk to someone who is both blind and deaf.

I am lucky to have Dave to help me when my frustrations overflow. He knows the obstacles that I have been facing with Lane, and hasn't backed down in his quest to help both him and me. We go back to the play therapist on Wednesday. Hopefully we can continue to get the bumps worked out.

Home at Last

Lane is home! It is as if the clouds have parted and the angels are singing! I was so excited that I grew teary-eyed as I gave him his hello hug. It seems that as he gets older, it grows harder for me to be away from him. He is growing fast enough as it is and with him being gone, it seems like I miss so much more. All I want to do is hold him, I want to cuddle him and just be together. However, he has very different plans in mind. It seemed like his first sentence after arriving was, "Where is my DS?" All of our subsequent conversations have been of him displaying his disappointment in knowing that his beloved game won't be back from the repair man for at least another few days.

But let me tell you, there is absolutely no better feeling than having him yell out "Mom, I love you" just because he feels like saying it. It felt like this week away from him would never come to an end. I have felt like a piece of who I am has been missing, but am now whole. Our family is once again complete!