The extended weekend was bliss, to say the least! Saturday was filled with shopping and gossip as Teresa and I took a girls day trip that included tons of shopping, eating and several adult beverages. LOL! We both made out like bandits in the shopping department! So I am now officially claiming that I am DONE shopping!!! D O N E!!! After returning, Dave, Lane and I enjoyed the evening playing outside, enjoying each other. LOVED it. Sunday was another lazy day. I made pancakes for breakfast and we all lounged around. It is rare when we have the opportunity to do nothing. At times, it is nice not having a schedule. No where to be, nothing pressing to be done.
Yesterday we ventured out for a family bike ride. It would have been perfect if we didn't have to combat the wind gusts pushing us to and fro. Poor Lane had to pedal his heart out in order to remain upright! Even with the wind, it was a memory made in his little mind. He talked about it all the way home. Stating that it was the "best day ever". This made me smile. The little things that we do that children love. Wrestling, tickling, snuggling, hugs...these are things both he and I love. All of them being stored in the back of his head and retrieved at unexpected times, sparking a fun conversation or a simple smile. I love his smile. It's contagious.
I love that kiddo and my mister so much. They are IT for me. I sat and watched them walking through the creek behind our house. Lane's face filled with cautious excitement while he followed Dave. They really are two peas in a pod. I'm ok with sitting on the sidelines watching them be.
Tuesday, May 31, 2011
Thursday, May 26, 2011
Top Notch Teachers
Throughout the school year I have found myself in amazement of teachers and staff that have touched Lane this year. I have spoken many times of the endless support and encouragement of his teacher. Last night, Dave and I were talking about her and how lucky Lane is to have someone like her as his first experience with school. She has constantly been patient, kind and encouraging. She is able to see Lane for who he really is. She looks past his struggles and knows that he is a sweet, intelligent boy. I am so thankful for her presence throughout the year. The benefit to Lane has been unmeasurable.
Yesterday was yet another example of going beyond their call of duty. His teacher emailed me after school to tell me about a paraeducator who has also been following Lane throughout the year. She sees him at recess and often drops in to see how he is doing throughout the day. Well, yesterday she decided to surprise Lane with a happy meal lunch from McDonald's to reward him for his great improvements. Seriously, this almost brought a tear to my eye. I sat with my jaw dropped, in awe of someone who thinks of my son in that manner. She too believes in him.
It gives me chills knowing that he has had such an amazing foundation to start his school career. I hope that he remembers these things. I hope that when he is feeling down or frustrated. He will know that there are people in his corner cheering him on, pushing him to succeed.
Yesterday was yet another example of going beyond their call of duty. His teacher emailed me after school to tell me about a paraeducator who has also been following Lane throughout the year. She sees him at recess and often drops in to see how he is doing throughout the day. Well, yesterday she decided to surprise Lane with a happy meal lunch from McDonald's to reward him for his great improvements. Seriously, this almost brought a tear to my eye. I sat with my jaw dropped, in awe of someone who thinks of my son in that manner. She too believes in him.
It gives me chills knowing that he has had such an amazing foundation to start his school career. I hope that he remembers these things. I hope that when he is feeling down or frustrated. He will know that there are people in his corner cheering him on, pushing him to succeed.
Tuesday, May 24, 2011
Writer's Block
Boy oh boy my mind is a jumble. It seems like every time I have sat down to give you all something fun, entertaining, or heartfelt to read, my mind becomes a scene out of an old western movie. The wind is blowing tumbleweeds across a vacant city. No one is home. :( I hate times like these. I have things goin' on, yet can't find the right words to get my point across. (though....sometimes I really have no point at all, so I guess that idea doesn't always apply!) Life is just tickin' by.
OH Oh oh!!! I have been doin' something! Dave found this great book that we have both been reading. We are still in the researching stages of figuring out what is the best way to deal with Lane and his outbursts. Though the medicine is greatly improving his focus and concentration, he is still continually having some explosive episodes. Dave found the book called, The Explosive Child by Ross W. Greene. Within the book, he talks about how some children just don't have the connection in their brain to think logically during moments of frustration or anger. Hence, having their explosive episodes. He has his readers look at the triggers of their children. They are looking for the who, what, where, when and why of these episodes. For Lane, transitions are particularly difficult for him. When he is asked to stop doing one thing and move onto another can cause havoc within the house. Bedtime is also becoming more of a struggle. So.... Greene discusses 3 different plans. Plan A deals with the concept of a parent demanding a child act a certain way or do a certain task because "they are the boss" and "what they say goes". Ultimately, this concept generally does not work with kids like Lane. It tends to amplify the situation, causing more outbursts and stress. Plan C deals with letting certain behaviors slide. Kind of like picking your battles. This can help alleviate explosions that would normally occur. Plan B is the biggie. This is where parents actively try to collaborate with the child to think of a solution prior to the action. So...Dave and I have been actively talking with Lane, trying to think of a sufficient plan for bedtime. We started out with a clock in the living room. When the big hand was at the 9 (5 minutes to 8) he would then have to get jammies on and brush teeth. Well, that plan wasn't very successful, as he swore that the clock in the living room was faster than the clock in the kitchen. He refused to believe either of us even after seeing both clocks side by side. Back to the drawing board! Yesterday morning we talked again and Lane suggested we set the timer on the microwave instead. We all agreed to this plan. In general I would say he did rather well. He drug his feet a bit but was much more calm and willing to accommodate. We still have a long way to go but are slowly gaining the tools and resources to help Lane in the best way possible. He is my baby and I love him to pieces. I will read every book, go to every website or doctor. You name it...it will be done if needed!
It truly is amazing at the amount of information is out there for parents these days! When we were kids, our parents lived by a completely different set of rules. They had to deal more on their own. I don't know how my mom did it!
OH Oh oh!!! I have been doin' something! Dave found this great book that we have both been reading. We are still in the researching stages of figuring out what is the best way to deal with Lane and his outbursts. Though the medicine is greatly improving his focus and concentration, he is still continually having some explosive episodes. Dave found the book called, The Explosive Child by Ross W. Greene. Within the book, he talks about how some children just don't have the connection in their brain to think logically during moments of frustration or anger. Hence, having their explosive episodes. He has his readers look at the triggers of their children. They are looking for the who, what, where, when and why of these episodes. For Lane, transitions are particularly difficult for him. When he is asked to stop doing one thing and move onto another can cause havoc within the house. Bedtime is also becoming more of a struggle. So.... Greene discusses 3 different plans. Plan A deals with the concept of a parent demanding a child act a certain way or do a certain task because "they are the boss" and "what they say goes". Ultimately, this concept generally does not work with kids like Lane. It tends to amplify the situation, causing more outbursts and stress. Plan C deals with letting certain behaviors slide. Kind of like picking your battles. This can help alleviate explosions that would normally occur. Plan B is the biggie. This is where parents actively try to collaborate with the child to think of a solution prior to the action. So...Dave and I have been actively talking with Lane, trying to think of a sufficient plan for bedtime. We started out with a clock in the living room. When the big hand was at the 9 (5 minutes to 8) he would then have to get jammies on and brush teeth. Well, that plan wasn't very successful, as he swore that the clock in the living room was faster than the clock in the kitchen. He refused to believe either of us even after seeing both clocks side by side. Back to the drawing board! Yesterday morning we talked again and Lane suggested we set the timer on the microwave instead. We all agreed to this plan. In general I would say he did rather well. He drug his feet a bit but was much more calm and willing to accommodate. We still have a long way to go but are slowly gaining the tools and resources to help Lane in the best way possible. He is my baby and I love him to pieces. I will read every book, go to every website or doctor. You name it...it will be done if needed!
It truly is amazing at the amount of information is out there for parents these days! When we were kids, our parents lived by a completely different set of rules. They had to deal more on their own. I don't know how my mom did it!
Wednesday, May 18, 2011
Barbeque Bliss
Last night was the first grill out of the season. Dave, Lane and I headed over to our friend Teresa (you've heard me talk about her before) and her husband Steve's house for some grillin', a few beers and a ton of laughs. The kiddos played in the driveway, happily laughing without a care in the world. (I now have a picture for future blackmail of Lane driving Addison's pink Barbie convertible) Seeing those two together was precious. They really are best friends. Teresa said that it is almost like they have an unspoken connection. It is so true. They love each other. (even though if you asked them, they would say EWWWW NO!!)
We ate way too much food. Half of which was unhealthy but AMAZING. The room was filled with belly laughs and fun conversation. A perfect night. Those nights make me feel so blessed.
We all decided to start a tradition of doing weekly dinners with everyone, rotating houses each week. What a perfect idea for a midweek break! Next week is our turn as hosts and I can't wait!
I hope you all have a great Wednesday!
We ate way too much food. Half of which was unhealthy but AMAZING. The room was filled with belly laughs and fun conversation. A perfect night. Those nights make me feel so blessed.
We all decided to start a tradition of doing weekly dinners with everyone, rotating houses each week. What a perfect idea for a midweek break! Next week is our turn as hosts and I can't wait!
I hope you all have a great Wednesday!
Monday, May 16, 2011
I'm mad...
The last three weeks at church, we have been in a series entitled "I'm Mad". We started week 1 on being mad at the church. Week 2 focused on being mad at God and this week focused on being mad at ourselves. This one really hit a nerve with me. It really made me think of how my anger at myself sloshes out on all those around me. Before now, I never realized the effects it can have on my relationships, but after listening, it was brought front and center in my mind.
Within the sermon, our Pastor focused on 3 main criteria:
1: We are mad because of past experiences
2. We are mad because we try to reach unattainable expectations
3. We are mad for lacking in our responsibilities
Though I connected with all 3 of his criteria, 1 and 2 really hit home.
Throughout my life, I have at times been dealt a pretty crappy hand. Between the age of either 5 or 6 I was molested by a neighbor. I proceeded to hold my emotion inside, not telling a single person for almost 20 years. Though I was quiet, I still grew angry. I was angry that my parents didn't catch on, didn't wonder, didn't ask. But how could they even begin to know? Once I began to tell my story, I became even more angry at myself for not telling. Seeing the look on my mom's face after letting free a 20 year secret. That anger is still there. I am angry at myself for allowing the actions to happen. For not speaking up. Not running away. I can now recognize that I have and probably still do allow that anger to slosh onto those I love. Ouch... I find myself taking out my past failed relationships on my current one. Angry at myself for the way others ended, yet bringing that baggage into a new one. It makes me mad...
The second criteria is probably the biggest for me. I have always strived for perfection. I needed to have the perfect grades, perfect family, perfect everything. If perfection was not achieved, my anger would grow to a higher level. My body image has also played an exceptional role in my anger. I am constantly striving for perfection. Endlessly working out, counting calories, depriving myself of certain foods, constant weigh ins...I compare myself to EVERYONE. Then grow angry at myself for not adding up. I constantly want to look perfect. I need to have the perfect clothes, makeup, hair, etc. I shop more than I know I should yet find myself always looking for something to make me look the way I think I should. But again, if I don't add up to the view in my head, I am mad. Very mad. This anger has ruined relationships, and currently puts strain on current ones.
The third and final one relates to me as well, regarding my responsibilities as a parent. I know there are times I dismiss something Lane has said or done, then get angry at him for the outcome. Yet, the only person I should look to is myself. Why am I getting so angry at him when it was my job as a parent to catch it in the first place.... Sometimes, I think I need to tune out the outside and spend more time focusing on my responsibility to Lane as his mom. I need to work on not sloshing my anger for my lack of action onto him.
I am hoping God will help me through this time. Help me with my anger. Help me be happy with me... As I type, I find that in actuality, I have never been happy with the person that I am. No matter how much I have succeeded I have always thought I should have done more, I could have gotten higher.
My prayer today is simple. To take this reflection as a time for growth. To try to let my anger wall at myself go down. I need to realize that it will not be instant nor fun. It will be challenging and scary, yet I know it is what I need to find happiness with myself.
Within the sermon, our Pastor focused on 3 main criteria:
1: We are mad because of past experiences
2. We are mad because we try to reach unattainable expectations
3. We are mad for lacking in our responsibilities
Though I connected with all 3 of his criteria, 1 and 2 really hit home.
Throughout my life, I have at times been dealt a pretty crappy hand. Between the age of either 5 or 6 I was molested by a neighbor. I proceeded to hold my emotion inside, not telling a single person for almost 20 years. Though I was quiet, I still grew angry. I was angry that my parents didn't catch on, didn't wonder, didn't ask. But how could they even begin to know? Once I began to tell my story, I became even more angry at myself for not telling. Seeing the look on my mom's face after letting free a 20 year secret. That anger is still there. I am angry at myself for allowing the actions to happen. For not speaking up. Not running away. I can now recognize that I have and probably still do allow that anger to slosh onto those I love. Ouch... I find myself taking out my past failed relationships on my current one. Angry at myself for the way others ended, yet bringing that baggage into a new one. It makes me mad...
The second criteria is probably the biggest for me. I have always strived for perfection. I needed to have the perfect grades, perfect family, perfect everything. If perfection was not achieved, my anger would grow to a higher level. My body image has also played an exceptional role in my anger. I am constantly striving for perfection. Endlessly working out, counting calories, depriving myself of certain foods, constant weigh ins...I compare myself to EVERYONE. Then grow angry at myself for not adding up. I constantly want to look perfect. I need to have the perfect clothes, makeup, hair, etc. I shop more than I know I should yet find myself always looking for something to make me look the way I think I should. But again, if I don't add up to the view in my head, I am mad. Very mad. This anger has ruined relationships, and currently puts strain on current ones.
The third and final one relates to me as well, regarding my responsibilities as a parent. I know there are times I dismiss something Lane has said or done, then get angry at him for the outcome. Yet, the only person I should look to is myself. Why am I getting so angry at him when it was my job as a parent to catch it in the first place.... Sometimes, I think I need to tune out the outside and spend more time focusing on my responsibility to Lane as his mom. I need to work on not sloshing my anger for my lack of action onto him.
I am hoping God will help me through this time. Help me with my anger. Help me be happy with me... As I type, I find that in actuality, I have never been happy with the person that I am. No matter how much I have succeeded I have always thought I should have done more, I could have gotten higher.
My prayer today is simple. To take this reflection as a time for growth. To try to let my anger wall at myself go down. I need to realize that it will not be instant nor fun. It will be challenging and scary, yet I know it is what I need to find happiness with myself.
Wednesday, May 11, 2011
STRESS and and eye twtich
Today I am experiencing the annoying presence of an eye twitch. It comes and goes as it pleases. Annoying me each and every time. I hear these twitches can be caused by stress. Funny, stress seems to be my middle name lately. Work stress, home stress, normal stress. Stress can take a big flying leap at any moment! I am feeling completely spent. My tank is getting close to empty. Between work and home (i.e. dealing with Lane and his struggles) I'm kinda almost at my limit.
Lane switched medicines right after Boston. In general, they are working remarkably well. Yet, we still see the fits of anger. I'm also unsure if his anger is due to coming off his meds or is it at age 6 that kids start to really develop their attitudes. Which ever the reason, I am at a loss. Part of me wants to sit on the floor and surrender, letting things go whichever way they fall. But as a mom, I can't. I can't let the other shoe drop. I have to be the cheerleader, soother, disciplinarian, etc...sometimes this job as mom can be a bit overwhelming. At times I look at Lane and have absolutely no idea what to do or how to help him. What mother does that?
Yesterday Lane and two other boys got into it at daycare. The end result...Lane got an incident report for biting the two boys. After hearing the entire story, all of the boys were at fault, yet Lane decided to take it to the next level and leave molar marks. How do I punish this? All of his toys are currently living in my bedroom. I did his 6 minute time out and proceeded to talk to him about his actions and how he could have done things differently. I took his bike away for the rest of the week too. Will this work? Probably not. I struggle to find something that will resonate with him. Something that will make him think before he acts. So far we are shooting blanks in that department.
I try to generally remain positive, but today is one of those times where the negativity is winning the battle. Maybe after my pity party that you all have unwillingly been invited to by reading this post, the day will look up and have a brighter ending!! Thanks for listening to my rant.
Lane switched medicines right after Boston. In general, they are working remarkably well. Yet, we still see the fits of anger. I'm also unsure if his anger is due to coming off his meds or is it at age 6 that kids start to really develop their attitudes. Which ever the reason, I am at a loss. Part of me wants to sit on the floor and surrender, letting things go whichever way they fall. But as a mom, I can't. I can't let the other shoe drop. I have to be the cheerleader, soother, disciplinarian, etc...sometimes this job as mom can be a bit overwhelming. At times I look at Lane and have absolutely no idea what to do or how to help him. What mother does that?
Yesterday Lane and two other boys got into it at daycare. The end result...Lane got an incident report for biting the two boys. After hearing the entire story, all of the boys were at fault, yet Lane decided to take it to the next level and leave molar marks. How do I punish this? All of his toys are currently living in my bedroom. I did his 6 minute time out and proceeded to talk to him about his actions and how he could have done things differently. I took his bike away for the rest of the week too. Will this work? Probably not. I struggle to find something that will resonate with him. Something that will make him think before he acts. So far we are shooting blanks in that department.
I try to generally remain positive, but today is one of those times where the negativity is winning the battle. Maybe after my pity party that you all have unwillingly been invited to by reading this post, the day will look up and have a brighter ending!! Thanks for listening to my rant.
Tuesday, May 10, 2011
Love is in the air!
Today is my mom and step-dad's anniversary. Normally, I am remarkable with dates, times, etc, but for the life of me, today I can not remember if it is 14 or 15 years of wedded bliss.! Oh well, which ever year it is, they are happy and in love!
I remember the day that my mom introduced me to Beano (that's my nickname for him). He took us to a local restaurant back home and introduced me to fried ice cream. From then on, he was A-ok in my book! In all seriousness though, I could see just in that meeting that he treated my mom in a way that I had never before seen a man treat a woman. He had the utmost respect for her and it seemed to pour out of him. I could tell by the look in his eye that he was a sincere and honest man. He treated her right and that was all I could ask for. As for mom, she was smitten like a kitten for him. It was so nice to see her happy. Being loved the way she was suppose to be loved.
Throughout the years, they have grown even more in love. They truly are each others best friends and companions. Bob has been my mom's rock throughout all of her health struggles. He is constantly there with her, no matter what.
Their relationship is something that I strive to replicate with Dave. I do see that same look in Dave's eye. I know he loves me with all of his heart. We have our struggles, yet, each one ends up bringing us closer together as a couple. :)
I remember the day that my mom introduced me to Beano (that's my nickname for him). He took us to a local restaurant back home and introduced me to fried ice cream. From then on, he was A-ok in my book! In all seriousness though, I could see just in that meeting that he treated my mom in a way that I had never before seen a man treat a woman. He had the utmost respect for her and it seemed to pour out of him. I could tell by the look in his eye that he was a sincere and honest man. He treated her right and that was all I could ask for. As for mom, she was smitten like a kitten for him. It was so nice to see her happy. Being loved the way she was suppose to be loved.
Throughout the years, they have grown even more in love. They truly are each others best friends and companions. Bob has been my mom's rock throughout all of her health struggles. He is constantly there with her, no matter what.
Their relationship is something that I strive to replicate with Dave. I do see that same look in Dave's eye. I know he loves me with all of his heart. We have our struggles, yet, each one ends up bringing us closer together as a couple. :)
Monday, May 9, 2011
Someone has found Victoria's Secret...
Happy Day Late Mother's Day to all my mama friends out there! Hope you all had a fantastic weekend with your kiddos, grandkiddos, or your mamas! My weekend was pretty much perfection! Saturday, my honey took me to get a bike for my Mother's Day gift. I was SOOO excited. After our purchase we hurried home and went on a 33 mile ride. Needless to say, my bum hurts a bit and I have pink shoulders from the sun. It was such a great day! Yesterday, we all went to church and spent the afternoon with Dave's family. It was nice a relaxing. Other than my crabby kiddo, it was great! (Aren't children suppose to be on their best behavior for Mother's Day?? If so, my child DID NOT get the memo!)
Moving on the the title of today's post....Soooooo, I received a Victoria's Secret magazine on Friday and left it sitting on the coffee table after perusing the clothes. Lets fast forward a bit...Saturday morning, I walk in and see Lane checking it out. Then, he again asked yesterday to look at it too. This time I told him no and tried to direct him to one of his books that he could read to me. A few minutes later, I looked over and there he was, looking at it again. Is this something I should be concerned about? I understand that that time will come, but for goodness sakes, the child is only 6! I don't think he was looking at them for the reason that most men would look at them, but it was still a little weird to see. Dave and I decided that I should probably refrain from keeping any other magazines around.
Oh the joys of motherhood!!
Happy Monday!!
Moving on the the title of today's post....Soooooo, I received a Victoria's Secret magazine on Friday and left it sitting on the coffee table after perusing the clothes. Lets fast forward a bit...Saturday morning, I walk in and see Lane checking it out. Then, he again asked yesterday to look at it too. This time I told him no and tried to direct him to one of his books that he could read to me. A few minutes later, I looked over and there he was, looking at it again. Is this something I should be concerned about? I understand that that time will come, but for goodness sakes, the child is only 6! I don't think he was looking at them for the reason that most men would look at them, but it was still a little weird to see. Dave and I decided that I should probably refrain from keeping any other magazines around.
Oh the joys of motherhood!!
Happy Monday!!
Friday, May 6, 2011
Wedding prep + girl time = GREAT NIGHT
Last night my MOH, Teresa came over for a night of wedding duties. I must say, she has been quite exceptional on this whole MOH thing. For that, I am thankful. On our list was cutting out, gluing and assembling all of the little lamp shades that will be used on top of wine glasses. In total, we traced, cut out and glued 50 shades. It was slightly time consuming. Yet, the time seemed to fly as we jabbered about anything and everything and sometimes, nothing at all. I was the tracer and cutter. Teresa was the gluer and assembler. We make a pretty good team :)
Tomorrow we are all meeting for breakfast for a special weekend get together. I can't wait for the kiddos to play and for all of us to spend our morning relaxing over coffee and pancakes. Special times, creating memories. Sounds perfect to me. :)
Happy weekend everyone!! What are your plans? Please share with me! I would love to hear!
Tomorrow we are all meeting for breakfast for a special weekend get together. I can't wait for the kiddos to play and for all of us to spend our morning relaxing over coffee and pancakes. Special times, creating memories. Sounds perfect to me. :)
Happy weekend everyone!! What are your plans? Please share with me! I would love to hear!
Wednesday, May 4, 2011
The Good Old Days...
Last night I attempted to make a big stride in my parenting career. I was going to allow Lane to play out in front of our house WITHOUT me present. I was going to allow him some freedom to play independently without the ever watching eye of mom. It surprised me though that he quickly responded with, "No Mom. If I were out there by myself, someone would take me." Though I felt good about the idea that he was conscious of things like these, I was saddened that my 6-year-old has to worry about the threat of others. When I was a kid, our only rule seemed to be that when the street lights came on, our day of playing concluded. We also had to be within a short enough distance to hear mom or dad call us in for dinner. It seems like times like those are gone forever. As a kid, the fear of strangers never crossed my mind. Today, kids have to be weary of so much more. Parks, shopping malls, grocery stores, schools...these are all places where predators can hide. I am glad Lane knows the importance of being aware of his surroundings and who he is with, but I still feel that he is cheated out of parts of his childhood.
Though I know the time will come when Lane finally does break away from the nest a bit. I can't help but be totally ok with the idea that he still likes to stay under his mama's wing.
Though I know the time will come when Lane finally does break away from the nest a bit. I can't help but be totally ok with the idea that he still likes to stay under his mama's wing.
Monday, May 2, 2011
America the Beautiful
I'm sure most of you have heard by now, the news of U.S military forces capturing and killing the #1 sought after terrorist, Osama Bin Laden. Last night I was stirred from my sleep as the news broke into normal programming. The idea that we actually, after almost 10 years, caught him was unimaginable. I think all of us can recall where we were on September 11, 2001. I was living at my parents house, getting ready for work when I heard Katie Couric state that a plane had just crashed into the World Trade Center. I think many Americans were in a sense of shock, unable to grasp the seriousness of the situation. The day played out like a bad dream. No matter how badly we tried, we couldn't wake up to our previous reality. A reality that, from that day forward, would no longer be.
Today, with the news of Bin Laden's demise, we again will begin a new reality. Though the change will be slow, I think that we have gained back some of our swagger. America truly is a country like none other. Our pride and passion for our country shines from every city. It is on historic days like today, that we are reminded how incredibly lucky we are to live in a country that fights for what is right.
God Bless America!
Today, with the news of Bin Laden's demise, we again will begin a new reality. Though the change will be slow, I think that we have gained back some of our swagger. America truly is a country like none other. Our pride and passion for our country shines from every city. It is on historic days like today, that we are reminded how incredibly lucky we are to live in a country that fights for what is right.
God Bless America!
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