Mrs. Thompson

Well hello blog world, I'm back! Yes, I know, it has been FOREVER since we have talked. I greatly apologize for my absence and hope you missed me just as much as I missed you! Since my last post, we have successfully moved into our new digs and me and the mister made it official and got married! Can I tell you how strange it is to go from a 4 letter last name (something that has existed since I was born) to a an 8 letter last name! My hand instinctively stops after T H O M and I have to force the P S O N. I guess that is the price I pay though, for FINALLY having a normal last name! Throughout childhood, my last name was Apel (pronounced like apple) BUT, no matter what, it got butchered. Then at marriage #1, I inherited Tuve. That too brought with it more pronunciations that I thought were possible. So here I am, Sarah Thompson!

So, besides the new last name, lets catch up a bit, shall we! The wedding, in a word, was AMAZING! We had the most beautiful day in October! The sun was shining, it wasn't too hot and the leaves were the most magnificent colors! I spent the morning surrounded by 2 of my very closest friends, Teresa and Julie. Being with them kept me calm and brought with it tons of laughter. I couldn't have asked for more! We got our hair done, ate bagels and drank mimosas. It was perfect. After we got beautified, we booked it back to the hotel to get me dressed to meet my groom! As I was getting laced in, it was so surreal to be standing there with my girlfriends getting ready to start a brand new chapter in my life. A chapter that a few years ago I didn't think would ever begin for me. I simply felt blessed. Blessed to have them, blessed to be marrying Dave, blessed that Lane was getting the family that he deserves.

Seeing Dave for the first time was a moment that I will never forget. A bride has that one moment to take the breath away from her groom. By the look on his face, I am hoping I accomplished my goal. I wanted him to know that I was dressed for him and for the celebration of our marriage. Dave and I spent most of the afternoon parading around downtown Dubuque, capturing pictures. I loved that time. It was just the two of us and our photographers (who happen to be very close friends of ours) It was so laid back and stress free.

During the ceremony, I found myself looking out over the vineyard, scanning the hills surrounding us, their colors so vibrant, breathtaking. I am a lucky woman. I have a man that loves me, a son who loves me most of the time :) and friends that I wouldn't trade for all the stars in the sky. It was an amazing moment. A moment that will never slip far from my mind.

There is so much more that I could talk about, but this entry would quickly turn into a novel. So, I will sign off for today and promise to give more info and memories of our big day! Have a happy Friday!

AAAHHHHH!!!!!!!!

AAAAAHHHHHHHHHHH, GRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRR, SCREEEAAAMMMM.....ok, I feel slightly better. My oh my, life is getting the best of me today and it has only just begun. Today starts the whirlwind of the move, which is eleveating my anxiety to skyscraper proportions. My house is in complete shambles with the items still needing to be packed and I am left at my emotional limit. I am struggling with keeping myself in check all while being mom, fiance, coworker, bride-to-be who is in the final stages of planning her wedding which is just 23 days away, etc... I feel like my plate is about to crack with all the extra weight on it. Yes, I know I should ask for help in times like these, but it is SO hard for me to ask for or accept it. I am REALLY trying, promise!

Last night, Dave and I were on the hunt for a new washer and dryer for our new digs. My goodness, that turned into a fiasco. I guess this time of year is the time when peeps need new appliances, as 2 of the 3 stops were out of the models we were interested in. We finally found a set at the 3rd place. Lets pray that it is still there today so we can have it delivered on Saturday. I am a crazy girl when it comes to my laundry so I NEED my washer and dryer!! Keep your fingers crossed for me today! PLEASE!

Last night was also filled with the not so fun conversation with Lane's dad regarding the recent developments on his behavior. These conversations always make my blood boil as I feel like I am having to explain my parenting to him and defend my decisions regarding Lane and his care. But, as Lane's mom, I have to have the respect to tell him. It is so difficult, because his dad hasn't personally seen Lane when he is at his worst. He has heard him over the phone at times when I have called him during an episode, but he has never seen him try to scratch, pinch, hit, etc. He has rarely heard the screams and phrases that come out of his mouth. To that effect, it's is pretty much a he said she said type of deal where I feel like he is doubting the severity of Lane's condition and my level of parenting. Is this the actual case? I can't say for sure, but that is how I feel when the conversation ends.

I am really gonna try to be positive today. I have a ton of good things happening around me and I need to appreciate that. I hope you all have a great day! It is the perfect fall morning here, which is a definite highlight for me. I LOVE fall and all that comes with it! :)

Full Steam Ahead...

Just stopping by for a quick sec during the whirlwind that is life lately! Sheesh, it has been a crazy ride in the Tuve/almost Thompson household lately! The wedding is T-25 days ways!!! (insert super big smiley face here) But with that T-25 days means life is in a frenzy! Oh yeah, did I mention that within the wedding chaos, we are moving in 4 days! Why I do this to myself, I have not the faintest idea, yet I always seem to throw gas on an already over powered fire!

Yesterday I had my final dress fitting and was able to check one thing off of my never ending list of to dos. Now it's my job to try to keep my stress at bay and the oreos out of my house in order to be able to still fit in that dress! Being in it makes me smile and I hope it has that same effect on the Mister when he sees me in it! :) :) :)

Life of Lane has had some challenges lately. We have found ourselves going backward in the behavior department. After a trip back to his primary doc, we were referred to a new psychologist to try to get some new answers. The outcome....He thinks Lane does in fact have ADHD, but that he has what is called a combined version. Which means that he has both the hyperactive part as well as the inattentive part. Along with that diagnosis, he also said that Lane appears to suffer from Oppositional Defiant Disorder. To put it in to normal terms, he has a behavioral disorder that prevents him from using reason and logic during stressful times. This definitely helps me understand some of his behaviors. Yet, it saddens me as his mama to see him continue to struggle with these issues. The Doc feels that once we get his ADHD under control the behavior issues will hopefully follow. We have a long road ahead of us, but I am confident that we will get past this hurdle!

Hope everyone else is keeping busy! If not, I can give you some work to do! :)


Just a quick note of congrats to my friend Amber. She just had a new baby, Miss Rayna Simone! She's a doll!!

Stress happens

Hey all!
Hope all is well with everyone in cyber world. My life has been ubber busy. Not only am I getting married in 47 days, Dave and I found a house and will be moving in about 3 weeks. Yep, wedding, moving, working, Lane's back in school....man the list grows and grows! It is in these times though, that I find myself being productive and disciplined. I am determined to get the tasks done that I set before me. It takes tons of organization along with my massive OCDness, but in the end, it all gets done! Oh yeah, did I mention that not only are we moving, but we are also going to have a moving sale to sell a TON of stuff the weekend before the move. So, not only am I packing, I am sorting and pricing all of the goods.

I don't think I will know what to do with myself once life settles down! I hope your summer ended on a high note!

Life Wagon

Sadly, my blogging has continued to remain buckled in the backseat of my life wagon. Life...yeah...it's busy! The summer is winding down while wedding prep is in full swing! 59 days to go! Eeeek!

Yesterday I got Lane registered for school, which starts in just over a week. It is so hard to believe that I am a mom to a 1st grader! School clothes, socks, undershirts, supplies and shoes have all been purchased. His backpack is stocked, waiting for the day. Lane found his fully stocked backpack and proceeded to locate his new scissors... (ya know where this story is goin'?) I then found him in the bathroom, scissors in hand. Thank GOD I got to him before he did any damage! Thankfully all of his hair was intact, allowing my heart rate to return to normal.

This school year I am trying something different. I am packing his lunches instead of him getting it at school. I am having a hard time deciding what I should put in his box, as he isn't the most adventurous eater on the planet. I know he will quickly grow tired of PB&J. What do your kids love in their lunches?

On the wedding front, life consists of lists, lists and more lists. Once I get one done, another one is immediately started. I am so excited for the day to get here but am going bananas until then. I am so lucky though to have great family and friends to help me along the way! I have my first dress fitting on the 27th and am SO excited to see the dress come together. Both Dave and I can't wait to celebrate with our family and friends!

Life Lately...

Wow, life has taken over lately! I've been MIA recently doing the whole mom, work, fiance planning a wedding thing. Guess life has gotten away from me a bit. So, lets sit down, chat, regroup. Shall we??

The mom gig has been pretty darn good lately. The kiddo made it back from DC. Survived 25 days without his mama and had his first plane ride. It is nice to have him back. The house feels like home again with all of his noises and giggles. Yes, there are some tantrums too, but I suppose it is all par for the course. I love him and am so glad he's back!

Work has been pretty much the norm, which is actually quite nice. With all of the other projects and and activities taking up the majority of my brain, it is nice to fall into the normal routine of the 8 hr work day.

Wedding....IT IS FAST approaching! I think I forgot all of the planning that went into the first one. The second one seems to be a bit more, but seems so much more worth it :) I am a happy girl who can't wait to marry my man! I think we have the majority of all of the little things done. Now is time to make lists upon lists upon lists to make sure that nothing is forgotten or not done how I had imagined it. (This is sure to be a challenge for me as I am not able to be present when the tables and decorations are being set up) I have a slight inward freak out about this almost daily, but try to remember that I have assigned my amazing cousin, Shawna to oversee the assembly. I am trying to get in tip top wedding shape, yet the stress of it all has me craving Oreos and ice cream. :( I haven't been able to work out like I would like due to the whole LIFE IS CRAZY thing goin' on. I NEED to get back into the swing of it! I just need to figure out where to fit it in again.

How's your summer going? Any fun trips or activities?? Tell me about 'em! :)

Life Changes

Life changes daily, yet in many ways it stays just the same. You get up, eat breakfast, kiss your kids, go to work, etc... each day has the familiar comfort of being exactly the same...comfortable. Then, there are times that life changes, your normal thinking patterns are challenged and you are standing at the fork in the road, forcing yourself to go down the path you know, the comfortable unchanging path, or down the new and different path, where comfortable is not always the option and change is evident.

For me, I have lived my life alone. Have I had others around me? Yes. Have I had others that love me? Yes. Yet, I have held them all at a distance, leaving my emotions and feelings to myself. Throughout my life, I have been the person that others turn to and have never allowed myself to be the person to turn to others. I have lived 29 years of my life keeping my emotions hidden away from the outside world. Recently though, I have started to take steps, baby steps, in reaching those emotions and finding out who in the hell this girl is without the emotional baggage that I have held on to for so long. This turn in the road has been nothing less than terrifying. I am being forced to think, to feel. It is amazing the amount of vulnerability that comes to the surface, making me feel completely stripped of my barriers against feeling.

Many days I go throughout my day completely overwhelmed at the process that I have begun. I am constantly doubting thoughts, decisions, conversations, etc... I guess I should though, look at the fact that I haven't quit yet. I haven't yet turned back to go down the road that I know, the one that I am comfortable with. I am scared as hell, as I feel like I am walking in the dark without a flashlight, afraid of what might jump out and grab me. Throughout my darkness, I am trying to keep in mind that in time, day will break and the darkness will begin to ease, bringing with it light and opportunity.

Missing Bubba Blues

Today it has been 12 days since I have seen my little man. Going a bit batty! Luckily, I have gotten to talk to him daily. This is something that he requested and I secretly loved hearing. Even though he is away, he still wants to talk to his mama! So far so good for him with his Dad. They haven't had to deal with the struggles that we face here on the home front. I have to admit, there are times that it bothers me that he doesn't have to experience the obstacles that Dave and I face on a daily basis, yet I am happy that Lane is enjoying his time away. BUT...there is a little mama feeling a bit blue that her baby is having a ton of fun without her :( boo. Yes, this is my baby time. I am feeling slightly sorry for myself in his absence. I am longing for his hug and to see his smile. Dave and I talk about him daily and think about how much Lane would enjoy this or that and become a bit sad because he is missing it. We are making plans for his return, making sure that we too get to create some great summer memories for him. We are contemplating a trip to Chicago and Adventureland. Weekend pool stops are a must. Dinner with friends, playdates, etc...

I miss my babydoll. 13 days and counting until his return!

New adventure

Good Morning friends! I have some exciting news to share with you all regarding the life of ME! This past weekend, I was in Chicago training to become an on location stylist for 1154 LILL Studio. This company is BRILLIANT!!! The premise is simple, you select your bag, select your fabric, then love your LILL when it is shipped to you! These purses are 100% customizable. You have all the creative power in selecting and pairing fabrics to create a handbag that you will love and is sure to draw attention!

I am not the type to typically involve myself in such a venture, but purses and fashion are 2 things that I am ubber passionate about! Paired with the idea that I have the capability to create something that is uniquely my own upped the ante in my decision making process! I am so excited to see where this venture will take me. I am excited to see the reaction of others when they get their own LILL handbag!

If you are interested in LILL, check out their website! I am also available if you have any questions!

http://www.1154lill.com/

Hope you all can catch my excitement! HAPPY MONDAY!

And then there was one...

Dave leaves today for a work trip to New York. That means it's just me until Wednesday. Bummer. It hasn't been just ME forever! At least I can relive our weekend together, which was pretty amazing. Nothing too spectacular, just spending time. Saturday, we went and visited the winery where our wedding is taking place. BEAUTIFUL!!!!!!!!! I am SOOO stinkin' excited now. It made everything so much more real. I'm getting married :) :) After freezin' our booties off at the winery, we headed to a brewery in Potosi. (I promise we are not alcoholics!) The day was rounded out by watching our friend Julie compete in a Roller Derby match. Man, I could do an entire post on the art of roller derby and how much I am NOT made for that sport! Julie did awesome though! It is fun to cheer her on! Yesterday was the average Sunday. Church, groceries, lunch with Dave's family. Simple, yet fun.

So, what am I to do without my man or my bubba home?!?!?!?! HELP!

1 afternoon down, 24 days to go...

Lane is off on his big adventure to DC. Mommy and Dave are at home in the quiet. We miss our boy already! It was hard not to give in to the temptation of calling to check in. Yes, I am that mom who calls all the time. This probably does more harm than good, as I constantly remind my child that I am sad he is gone. I told him yesterday that I would miss him terribly. In such a matter of fact way he answered, "Mom, I have to go see my dad." Since when did he get so mature and grown up about the situation?! His nonchalant attitude forced me to buck up and keep the tears at bay.

I know he will have a great time doing so many fun things. Dave and I will also enjoy some alone time which is definitely always a plus. Though we will all be keeping busy, we will still have the void of our Bubba. No countless questions on a trip, no singing from the back seat, no cuddles in the morning (those are my favorite). Oh well, such is life, right? I have to be a big girl and share!

This weekend Dave and I are going to the winery where our wedding will take place. We are super excited for our little trip away! Beautiful scenery, wine and my guy. Perfect!

Preparation

The preparation has begun. Lane leaves in 3 days for DC. The whole preparation part...yeah it has all been in my head. Inside, I am trying not to freak out while I keep the cool, calm and collected mom demeanor on the outside. My baby is going to be gone until July 5th! This trip is hands down the LONGEST he has EVER been away from me. So many people tell me that it will be a good break for me, a time for Dave and I to get some one on one time together. Yes, I need a break and Dave and I love our alone time, BUT 20 something days without my boy!?!?!? Are you kiddin' me?!?!?! There will be no snuggies, no hugs or kisses, no silly jokes that only Lane can tell, the list can go on forever :( I know I am probably sounding super childish and selfish as Lane needs to spend time with his dad and other family. Yet, I still want him here. With me. ALWAYS!

I have a feeling I will leave packing until the last minute, prolonging the inevitable as long as possible. Maybe if I deny it, it won't happen? Dave and I are taking him to lunch on Thursday as our goodbye to him. Then he is off and it will then go from 3 to 2. We will come home to a quiet house with no toys scattered across the living room. Maybe I will turn on Special Agent Oso in the mornings just to keep things familiar!

I can guarantee that many phone calls will be had and this mama will be thinking about her kiddo constantly! I can do this, right?

Remarkable...

The definition of the word remarkable, as stated at www.merriam-webster.com, is "worthy of being or likely to be noticed especially as being uncommon or extraordinary. This word sets the stage for the days past events.

Yesterday was LUNCH ON THE LAWN at Lane's school. The excitement on his face was priceless as I made and packed his lunch. The enjoyment that I too felt at this small task was evident. I carefully made his PB&J, making sure to get an even coating, then slicing it into 4 squares (just like my mom did for me). Juice, banana, granola bar and a fruit roll up were tossed in after. I carefully wrote his name on the outside of the bag, then proceeded to write him a little note so he could find it unexpectedly. I love him. Dave left a note too. He loves him too :)

At 11:00 his school erupted with activity as kids and parents searched for one another. Luckily, Lane and I spotted each other quickly and copped a squat on the grass to enjoy his goodies. As we sat and chatted, his teacher came up to him, cupped her hand gently around his face and called him remarkable. REMARKABLE. She thinks he is REMARKABLE. To hear someone say that about your child makes you feel that you are doing something right. That all the bad days are just bumps in the road to forming a great kid. In that moment, I was so incredibly proud of my boy. He has been through a lot this year, yet he has showed us all that he is a person who will not quit, will not give up (he might complain along the way though!). I love him- he truly is, remarkable...

Today is his final day of his Kindergarten year. What a journey it has been! Not only has he grown in inches, but he has grown so much in wisdom. At times it is if I can see the wheels in his head churning, thirsty for more knowledge. He did it, he accomplished and excelled at so many things this year. He has grown from a timid, shy little guy into a boy with confidence and a hunger for learning. Tomorrow I can officially say that I am the parent of a 1st grader. WOW. That's remarkable :)

Memories Made

The extended weekend was bliss, to say the least! Saturday was filled with shopping and gossip as Teresa and I took a girls day trip that included tons of shopping, eating and several adult beverages. LOL! We both made out like bandits in the shopping department! So I am now officially claiming that I am DONE shopping!!! D O N E!!! After returning, Dave, Lane and I enjoyed the evening playing outside, enjoying each other. LOVED it. Sunday was another lazy day. I made pancakes for breakfast and we all lounged around. It is rare when we have the opportunity to do nothing. At times, it is nice not having a schedule. No where to be, nothing pressing to be done.

Yesterday we ventured out for a family bike ride. It would have been perfect if we didn't have to combat the wind gusts pushing us to and fro. Poor Lane had to pedal his heart out in order to remain upright! Even with the wind, it was a memory made in his little mind. He talked about it all the way home. Stating that it was the "best day ever". This made me smile. The little things that we do that children love. Wrestling, tickling, snuggling, hugs...these are things both he and I love. All of them being stored in the back of his head and retrieved at unexpected times, sparking a fun conversation or a simple smile. I love his smile. It's contagious.

I love that kiddo and my mister so much. They are IT for me. I sat and watched them walking through the creek behind our house. Lane's face filled with cautious excitement while he followed Dave. They really are two peas in a pod. I'm ok with sitting on the sidelines watching them be.

Top Notch Teachers

Throughout the school year I have found myself in amazement of teachers and staff that have touched Lane this year. I have spoken many times of the endless support and encouragement of his teacher. Last night, Dave and I were talking about her and how lucky Lane is to have someone like her as his first experience with school. She has constantly been patient, kind and encouraging. She is able to see Lane for who he really is. She looks past his struggles and knows that he is a sweet, intelligent boy. I am so thankful for her presence throughout the year. The benefit to Lane has been unmeasurable.

Yesterday was yet another example of going beyond their call of duty. His teacher emailed me after school to tell me about a paraeducator who has also been following Lane throughout the year. She sees him at recess and often drops in to see how he is doing throughout the day. Well, yesterday she decided to surprise Lane with a happy meal lunch from McDonald's to reward him for his great improvements. Seriously, this almost brought a tear to my eye. I sat with my jaw dropped, in awe of someone who thinks of my son in that manner. She too believes in him.

It gives me chills knowing that he has had such an amazing foundation to start his school career. I hope that he remembers these things. I hope that when he is feeling down or frustrated. He will know that there are people in his corner cheering him on, pushing him to succeed.

Writer's Block

Boy oh boy my mind is a jumble. It seems like every time I have sat down to give you all something fun, entertaining, or heartfelt to read, my mind becomes a scene out of an old western movie. The wind is blowing tumbleweeds across a vacant city. No one is home. :( I hate times like these. I have things goin' on, yet can't find the right words to get my point across. (though....sometimes I really have no point at all, so I guess that idea doesn't always apply!) Life is just tickin' by.

OH Oh oh!!! I have been doin' something! Dave found this great book that we have both been reading. We are still in the researching stages of figuring out what is the best way to deal with Lane and his outbursts. Though the medicine is greatly improving his focus and concentration, he is still continually having some explosive episodes. Dave found the book called, The Explosive Child by Ross W. Greene. Within the book, he talks about how some children just don't have the connection in their brain to think logically during moments of frustration or anger. Hence, having their explosive episodes. He has his readers look at the triggers of their children. They are looking for the who, what, where, when and why of these episodes. For Lane, transitions are particularly difficult for him. When he is asked to stop doing one thing and move onto another can cause havoc within the house. Bedtime is also becoming more of a struggle. So.... Greene discusses 3 different plans. Plan A deals with the concept of a parent demanding a child act a certain way or do a certain task because "they are the boss" and "what they say goes". Ultimately, this concept generally does not work with kids like Lane. It tends to amplify the situation, causing more outbursts and stress. Plan C deals with letting certain behaviors slide. Kind of like picking your battles. This can help alleviate explosions that would normally occur. Plan B is the biggie. This is where parents actively try to collaborate with the child to think of a solution prior to the action. So...Dave and I have been actively talking with Lane, trying to think of a sufficient plan for bedtime. We started out with a clock in the living room. When the big hand was at the 9 (5 minutes to 8) he would then have to get jammies on and brush teeth. Well, that plan wasn't very successful, as he swore that the clock in the living room was faster than the clock in the kitchen. He refused to believe either of us even after seeing both clocks side by side. Back to the drawing board! Yesterday morning we talked again and Lane suggested we set the timer on the microwave instead. We all agreed to this plan. In general I would say he did rather well. He drug his feet a bit but was much more calm and willing to accommodate. We still have a long way to go but are slowly gaining the tools and resources to help Lane in the best way possible. He is my baby and I love him to pieces. I will read every book, go to every website or doctor. You name it...it will be done if needed!

It truly is amazing at the amount of information is out there for parents these days! When we were kids, our parents lived by a completely different set of rules. They had to deal more on their own. I don't know how my mom did it!

Barbeque Bliss

Last night was the first grill out of the season. Dave, Lane and I headed over to our friend Teresa (you've heard me talk about her before) and her husband Steve's house for some grillin', a few beers and a ton of laughs. The kiddos played in the driveway, happily laughing without a care in the world. (I now have a picture for future blackmail of Lane driving Addison's pink Barbie convertible) Seeing those two together was precious. They really are best friends. Teresa said that it is almost like they have an unspoken connection. It is so true. They love each other. (even though if you asked them, they would say EWWWW NO!!)

We ate way too much food. Half of which was unhealthy but AMAZING. The room was filled with belly laughs and fun conversation. A perfect night. Those nights make me feel so blessed.

We all decided to start a tradition of doing weekly dinners with everyone, rotating houses each week. What a perfect idea for a midweek break! Next week is our turn as hosts and I can't wait!

I hope you all have a great Wednesday!

I'm mad...

The last three weeks at church, we have been in a series entitled "I'm Mad". We started week 1 on being mad at the church. Week 2 focused on being mad at God and this week focused on being mad at ourselves. This one really hit a nerve with me. It really made me think of how my anger at myself sloshes out on all those around me. Before now, I never realized the effects it can have on my relationships, but after listening, it was brought front and center in my mind.

Within the sermon, our Pastor focused on 3 main criteria:

1: We are mad because of past experiences
2. We are mad because we try to reach unattainable expectations
3. We are mad for lacking in our responsibilities

Though I connected with all 3 of his criteria, 1 and 2 really hit home.

Throughout my life, I have at times been dealt a pretty crappy hand. Between the age of either 5 or 6 I was molested by a neighbor. I proceeded to hold my emotion inside, not telling a single person for almost 20 years. Though I was quiet, I still grew angry. I was angry that my parents didn't catch on, didn't wonder, didn't ask. But how could they even begin to know? Once I began to tell my story, I became even more angry at myself for not telling. Seeing the look on my mom's face after letting free a 20 year secret. That anger is still there. I am angry at myself for allowing the actions to happen. For not speaking up. Not running away. I can now recognize that I have and probably still do allow that anger to slosh onto those I love. Ouch... I find myself taking out my past failed relationships on my current one. Angry at myself for the way others ended, yet bringing that baggage into a new one. It makes me mad...

The second criteria is probably the biggest for me. I have always strived for perfection. I needed to have the perfect grades, perfect family, perfect everything. If perfection was not achieved, my anger would grow to a higher level. My body image has also played an exceptional role in my anger. I am constantly striving for perfection. Endlessly working out, counting calories, depriving myself of certain foods, constant weigh ins...I compare myself to EVERYONE. Then grow angry at myself for not adding up. I constantly want to look perfect. I need to have the perfect clothes, makeup, hair, etc. I shop more than I know I should yet find myself always looking for something to make me look the way I think I should. But again, if I don't add up to the view in my head, I am mad. Very mad. This anger has ruined relationships, and currently puts strain on current ones.

The third and final one relates to me as well, regarding my responsibilities as a parent. I know there are times I dismiss something Lane has said or done, then get angry at him for the outcome. Yet, the only person I should look to is myself. Why am I getting so angry at him when it was my job as a parent to catch it in the first place.... Sometimes, I think I need to tune out the outside and spend more time focusing on my responsibility to Lane as his mom. I need to work on not sloshing my anger for my lack of action onto him.

I am hoping God will help me through this time. Help me with my anger. Help me be happy with me... As I type, I find that in actuality, I have never been happy with the person that I am. No matter how much I have succeeded I have always thought I should have done more, I could have gotten higher.

My prayer today is simple. To take this reflection as a time for growth. To try to let my anger wall at myself go down. I need to realize that it will not be instant nor fun. It will be challenging and scary, yet I know it is what I need to find happiness with myself.

STRESS and and eye twtich

Today I am experiencing the annoying presence of an eye twitch. It comes and goes as it pleases. Annoying me each and every time. I hear these twitches can be caused by stress. Funny, stress seems to be my middle name lately. Work stress, home stress, normal stress. Stress can take a big flying leap at any moment! I am feeling completely spent. My tank is getting close to empty. Between work and home (i.e. dealing with Lane and his struggles) I'm kinda almost at my limit.

Lane switched medicines right after Boston. In general, they are working remarkably well. Yet, we still see the fits of anger. I'm also unsure if his anger is due to coming off his meds or is it at age 6 that kids start to really develop their attitudes. Which ever the reason, I am at a loss. Part of me wants to sit on the floor and surrender, letting things go whichever way they fall. But as a mom, I can't. I can't let the other shoe drop. I have to be the cheerleader, soother, disciplinarian, etc...sometimes this job as mom can be a bit overwhelming. At times I look at Lane and have absolutely no idea what to do or how to help him. What mother does that?

Yesterday Lane and two other boys got into it at daycare. The end result...Lane got an incident report for biting the two boys. After hearing the entire story, all of the boys were at fault, yet Lane decided to take it to the next level and leave molar marks. How do I punish this? All of his toys are currently living in my bedroom. I did his 6 minute time out and proceeded to talk to him about his actions and how he could have done things differently. I took his bike away for the rest of the week too. Will this work? Probably not. I struggle to find something that will resonate with him. Something that will make him think before he acts. So far we are shooting blanks in that department.

I try to generally remain positive, but today is one of those times where the negativity is winning the battle. Maybe after my pity party that you all have unwillingly been invited to by reading this post, the day will look up and have a brighter ending!! Thanks for listening to my rant.

Love is in the air!

Today is my mom and step-dad's anniversary. Normally, I am remarkable with dates, times, etc, but for the life of me, today I can not remember if it is 14 or 15 years of wedded bliss.! Oh well, which ever year it is, they are happy and in love!

I remember the day that my mom introduced me to Beano (that's my nickname for him). He took us to a local restaurant back home and introduced me to fried ice cream. From then on, he was A-ok in my book! In all seriousness though, I could see just in that meeting that he treated my mom in a way that I had never before seen a man treat a woman. He had the utmost respect for her and it seemed to pour out of him. I could tell by the look in his eye that he was a sincere and honest man. He treated her right and that was all I could ask for. As for mom, she was smitten like a kitten for him. It was so nice to see her happy. Being loved the way she was suppose to be loved.

Throughout the years, they have grown even more in love. They truly are each others best friends and companions. Bob has been my mom's rock throughout all of her health struggles. He is constantly there with her, no matter what.

Their relationship is something that I strive to replicate with Dave. I do see that same look in Dave's eye. I know he loves me with all of his heart. We have our struggles, yet, each one ends up bringing us closer together as a couple. :)

Someone has found Victoria's Secret...

Happy Day Late Mother's Day to all my mama friends out there! Hope you all had a fantastic weekend with your kiddos, grandkiddos, or your mamas! My weekend was pretty much perfection! Saturday, my honey took me to get a bike for my Mother's Day gift. I was SOOO excited. After our purchase we hurried home and went on a 33 mile ride. Needless to say, my bum hurts a bit and I have pink shoulders from the sun. It was such a great day! Yesterday, we all went to church and spent the afternoon with Dave's family. It was nice a relaxing. Other than my crabby kiddo, it was great! (Aren't children suppose to be on their best behavior for Mother's Day?? If so, my child DID NOT get the memo!)


Moving on the the title of today's post....Soooooo, I received a Victoria's Secret magazine on Friday and left it sitting on the coffee table after perusing the clothes. Lets fast forward a bit...Saturday morning, I walk in and see Lane checking it out. Then, he again asked yesterday to look at it too. This time I told him no and tried to direct him to one of his books that he could read to me. A few minutes later, I looked over and there he was, looking at it again. Is this something I should be concerned about? I understand that that time will come, but for goodness sakes, the child is only 6! I don't think he was looking at them for the reason that most men would look at them, but it was still a little weird to see. Dave and I decided that I should probably refrain from keeping any other magazines around.

Oh the joys of motherhood!!

Happy Monday!!

Wedding prep + girl time = GREAT NIGHT

Last night my MOH, Teresa came over for a night of wedding duties. I must say, she has been quite exceptional on this whole MOH thing. For that, I am thankful. On our list was cutting out, gluing and assembling all of the little lamp shades that will be used on top of wine glasses. In total, we traced, cut out and glued 50 shades. It was slightly time consuming. Yet, the time seemed to fly as we jabbered about anything and everything and sometimes, nothing at all. I was the tracer and cutter. Teresa was the gluer and assembler. We make a pretty good team :)

Tomorrow we are all meeting for breakfast for a special weekend get together. I can't wait for the kiddos to play and for all of us to spend our morning relaxing over coffee and pancakes. Special times, creating memories. Sounds perfect to me. :)

Happy weekend everyone!! What are your plans? Please share with me! I would love to hear!

The Good Old Days...

Last night I attempted to make a big stride in my parenting career. I was going to allow Lane to play out in front of our house WITHOUT me present. I was going to allow him some freedom to play independently without the ever watching eye of mom. It surprised me though that he quickly responded with, "No Mom. If I were out there by myself, someone would take me." Though I felt good about the idea that he was conscious of things like these, I was saddened that my 6-year-old has to worry about the threat of others. When I was a kid, our only rule seemed to be that when the street lights came on, our day of playing concluded. We also had to be within a short enough distance to hear mom or dad call us in for dinner. It seems like times like those are gone forever. As a kid, the fear of strangers never crossed my mind. Today, kids have to be weary of so much more. Parks, shopping malls, grocery stores, schools...these are all places where predators can hide. I am glad Lane knows the importance of being aware of his surroundings and who he is with, but I still feel that he is cheated out of parts of his childhood.

Though I know the time will come when Lane finally does break away from the nest a bit. I can't help but be totally ok with the idea that he still likes to stay under his mama's wing.

America the Beautiful

I'm sure most of you have heard by now, the news of U.S military forces capturing and killing the #1 sought after terrorist, Osama Bin Laden. Last night I was stirred from my sleep as the news broke into normal programming. The idea that we actually, after almost 10 years, caught him was unimaginable. I think all of us can recall where we were on September 11, 2001. I was living at my parents house, getting ready for work when I heard Katie Couric state that a plane had just crashed into the World Trade Center. I think many Americans were in a sense of shock, unable to grasp the seriousness of the situation. The day played out like a bad dream. No matter how badly we tried, we couldn't wake up to our previous reality. A reality that, from that day forward, would no longer be.

Today, with the news of Bin Laden's demise, we again will begin a new reality. Though the change will be slow, I think that we have gained back some of our swagger. America truly is a country like none other. Our pride and passion for our country shines from every city. It is on historic days like today, that we are reminded how incredibly lucky we are to live in a country that fights for what is right.

God Bless America!

station wagon memories

It's funny how life's memories pop into our heads at the least expected times of our lives. It's like they are friendly reminders of where we came from. Yesterday was my day for a trip down memory lane. With the hopes of today's weather FINALLY being normal, I found myself being transported back in time to the days when my family and I would pile into my mom's old station wagon. The ones with the way way back..you know where the seat faces the opposite direction. Dad would always roll down the window creating a funnel of wind. My brother and I would laugh as our hair blew this way and that, struggling to hear each other over the breeze and our giggles. My sister would sit in the back seat, annoyed at our squirming. Though, I suspect she secretly loved these times too. Mom and Dad would be up front, navigating the way. We would tell jokes and stories, filling the car with laughter. I think the best part was that we had no where in particular to go. We just drove. Though I must note the one trip we took where my brother and I were in the back seat just enjoying the ride when he suddenly tapped me on my shoulder making weird hand gestures. Me being me, I thought he was playing some sort of game. NOPE! He then proceeded to throw up all over the backseat. Awesome!

Those are the moments (excluding Dave's vomit episode) that are etched in my memory making me love and appreciate my family even more. I can't wait until Lane is grown and has memories of his own(hopefully good ones!)

Singin' kiddos=lots of laughs

Last night was Lane's very first school program. It was my first real school function where I was mom, gawking at my kiddo! Lane was excited to sing and I was excited to gawk :) It too, was Dave's first parenting function. He was a bit overwhelmed to say the least. Kids from k-2nd grade all in one room. Noise. LOTS OF NOISE met us as we entered the auditorium. We quickly got our kiddo situated with his class and rushed to find a seat. I was so stinkin' excited that I could hardly contain myself! My boy is growing up and he's growing into a mighty fine boy at that!

The show began with the kindergartners. WHOLLY CUTENESS! Our Bubba was front and center in the front row! I was a proud mama bear! He was trying so hard to keep his cool, to not let us see him smile. You know how it goes, kids can't show their love for their parents in front of the other kids. It's that kid code that can't be broken. We did, however, get a slight wave of recognition. Guess we will take what we can get!

The show went on without a hitch. I even found myself singing along to The Muffin Man, Miss Mary Mac and Skip to My Lou. Oh the memories of childhood! I loved every moment of it and can't wait for more to come!

On a side note...since Lane has so many nicknames, he has decided to change his name to
Lane Bubba Tater Chowderhead Tuve. Just an FYI if anyone sees him soon! :)

Happy Wednesday!

Bridezilla moment

I guess it was bound to happen at one point or another. I had a moment of agitation during the whole wedding planning stuff and wasn't very nice to a lady on the phone. Though I am sure she is not reading this, I'm sorry to the customer service lady who I yelled at because their store no longer carries the glasses I wanted! I have since been able to find some others. I think my whole OCDness and quest for perfection in my vision sometimes clouds my judgment. Example, when Lane's birthday cake shifted in the box on the ride home, I freaked! We're talkin' super anxious, on the verge of getting a new cake freaking. To most people, this would not be an issue. To me, it made my blood pressure rise! So today's ordeal brought on the same feelings of anxiety. The fact that I did, however, order something different than intended is a good move. My anxiety will eventually diminish and stupid glasses play no merit to the way my wedding day will turn out! Now, if only I could have thought of that whole idea during my panic session!

He has RISEN!

Yesterday was Easter Sunday, a day for rejoicing for the resurrection of Jesus! It was a beautiful day to boot! I told Dave that it always seems to be beautiful on Easter Sunday. Maybe old mother nature gets the importance of the day too and brings on the sun! Anyhow, yesterday was a great day with worship, family, food and laughter. Lane was successful in finding all of his eggs that Mr. Bunny left strewn throughout the house. He is now officially set for his candy stash until Halloween!

Today's post is a short and sweet one! Hope you all enjoyed your holiday doin' what you do!

Flying in heaven

Though the memories from the trip to Boston are many, one of my favorites had to be on the flight. Dave and I were enjoying each others company for the majority of the trip. I read my book while he piddled with his ipad. Both just happy to be together, on our way. Prior to our decent, I happened to look out the window to see the beauty of the clouds. They seemed so perfect. Fluffy. Heavenly. I found myself wondering if this in anyway was what heaven really looked like. I half expected angels to appear sitting on puffs of clouds. It was magical. Peaceful. I loved it. We were caught in that moment between sunset and dusk. I wish I could find adequate words to describe the beauty found in the suns departure while the moons glow began to stregthen. A deep sigh of contement was all I could muster at the simple sight of God's work. The beauty that he supplies us with each day is amazing! It is these simple things that so many of us take for granted each day. I felt so lucky to be there, in that moment to experience that simple pleasure :)

Post Vaca blues

Yep, I got 'em. I have the post vaca blues :( BOO! I am missing Boston today. I am missing the sounds, the hussle, the scenery, missing it all. I have to say that this trip is by far at the top of my vacation list. When I woke up to Boston around me, I felt amazing. (We will get to the journey that it took to GET to Boston at another time). Just being there you feel like you are kind of lost in time, back in history. The brick streets and sidewalks added to the feel. The city is filled with little narrow streets, holding so much history within them. As Dave and I walked one afternoon under the sky's drizzle, I couldn't help but think of how many generations of people have walked on these same bricks. I was fascinated.

That afternoon, we made a stop at the Green Dragon Tavern . It was found on one of those tiny little streets, brimming with history. History it definitely had! As it was the building where the Boston Tea Party was formed! REALLY?! I sat there for a second, with my Blue Moon in hand, thinking how incredibly insane that was! The bartender proceeded to tell us that the building next door was owned by John Hancock! WOW. I have never been the history buff, but found myself want to know more about the city and the stories that it had to tell.

It was definitely hard to leave Beantown and I can not wait to go back! I know I will need some cannoli's and some amazing food in my future!

Back from Beantown!

Hey all! Sorry for my short hiatus, as I have been in Boston with Dave as he ran the Boston Marathon! I have a ton of stories from our trip and can't wait to share some pics! We both fell in love with Boston. The food, people, architecture, atmosphere. You name it, we loved it! It was hard to come back home but was sooooo nice to get a hug from my little man! I missed him a ton!!!

I will definitely update more tomorrow, just wanted to check in and let you all know I'm still kickin'! How has your week been? I would love to hear!

It's a Birthday!

Today is Lane's 6th Birthday! It is a big step in the birthday journey, as he is not just one whole hand old but has moved on to the second! I think back over the last 6 years and am in awe of the young boy he is turning into. Lord knows he has his share of struggles as my child and I as his parent. Yet, the love that we give each other each day is something that can't be measured in quantities or or amounts. The level of my love for him is deeper, more profound than any love I have ever experienced before. That moment, 6 years ago, holding him for the first time...it was love. Pure, effortless love.

Each year, his excitement for his birthday has grown. He knows the day is centered around him (something he loves) He knows people need to bring presents and that he gets to eat his fill of cake. This day is his bliss! We are in the works for a major shindig tomorrow. Mario Brothers is the theme! We have cups, we have napkins, we have plates, we even have stick on fake mustaches. Who can have a Mario Brothers party without the mustaches?!
I know Lane can't wait until his party and honestly, I can't wait either!

I leave today saying Happy Birthday to my babydoll. I love him to the moon and back and more than all the stars in the sky. My life is blessed in more ways than I could have ever imagined all because he was brought into it :)

Bumps in the road

Lane has been on his medicine or about 3 weeks now. Saying these past weeks have been an adjustment is quite an understatement. Lane, Dave and I have been on a roller coaster ride trying to get his dosage evened out. After starting, Lane was wound tighter than a yo-yo, unable to calm down at night. A quick call to his Dr and we cut that dosage in half in order for his body to become acclimated to the medicine. He seemed to do great on the new dosage and after several days we felt comfortable enough to move him back to the full dosage. All seemed to be going well until the evening when he would begin to come off the medicine. Almost instantly, Lane would turn on a dime and scream in rage, throw things, kick, yell, you name it. Honestly, it was as if I was looking at someone else's child. On his worst day pre medicine, he had NEVER acted as he was then. Dave and I found ourselves restraining him until he was able to calm himself down enough just to complete the tasks we had asked of him.

As his mom, I felt a huge amount of guilt for putting him through these struggles. I doubted my decisions and doubted my parenting in general. Who would do this to their kid? Who could sit by and see their child with such inner turmoil all because I decided that we would try the medicine in the first place. Needless to say, I called the doctor ASAP in the morning, to try to see where to go from here. He told me that it was ok to go back to the half doses, as they seemed to work just as well and Lane experienced little if no amount of "crashing" at all.

So here we are, half doses every morning. He has seemed to be doing good so far. He even spent the weekend with his dad for the first time since being on the meds. I haven't yet asked him if he too saw a difference in Lane's behavior and focus while on the medicine. Though, I am expecting to hear good reports. It is was so incredibly hard to let him go away this weekend, not knowing how his dad would react to Lane if he did indeed have a major meltdown. It is no way putting down his parenting, it is simply that he has not had to face the circumstances that Dave and I have had to deal with on a daily basis. It is so easy to tell someone situations that you go through, but in reality, they have not a clue until they go through it themselves.

Life after training wheels

Lane learned to ride his bike this weekend without two very important accessories...his training wheels. This has been an idea for quite some time, yet something he wasn't quite ready to partake in. He has been afraid to fall. Afraid to fail. And so, his rides continued with his safety net. This weekend, however, was a different story. Dave and I played up the whole "no training wheels" idea BIG TIME. Just like that, Lane was on board and helped Dave take of the wheels. Without hesitation he got on and away we went. Dave and I took turns riding behind him until he found his balance. Then...he was on his own. Pedaling away. Wow. Throughout, he definitely had his share of struggles and frustrations but always got back up and on. Before we knew it, he was riding like a pro. Feelings of sadness that this is yet another milestone he has hit, yet deep pride in his ability to not give up and try until he accomplishes his goal overcame me. Seeing the joy in his face. The excitement. It was all priceless.

Lane's journey to ride without training wheels made me think of how many of us live our lives with a certain cushion or set of wheels gently guiding us through. So many of us are afraid to fail, to hurt, to feel. We put up these walls for protection, yet in that process miss out on so many other things that life has to offer. I know that I am definitely one of these people. I have lived my life with wall upon wall erected around me. These walls were made to protect me from the negative, but in turn, have also kept me from many positive things in my life. So, I think it's time to put on my hard hat, grab a mallet and start punching them down.

Maybe today is a chance for all of us to take of the training wheels. To live today without our cushion, allowing us to feel what is out there.

Happy 1st Day of April

Today is Friday, FINALLY. Also, today is the first of April, meaning pranksters are up to no good! I myself have never cared for April Fools day for 2 primary reasons. 1) I am never clever enough to think of something to do 2) I don't like being pranked. YES, you can call me a poor sport, but I have never gotten into the whole practical joke thing.

Today though, it was quite amusing to see my boss walk into his office and have everything turned upside down and drawers switched around. I was definitely not the mastermind of this sneaky plot. Though others succeeded in fooling him, I found myself feeling for him when he rearranged his drawers. See, he too is OCD like me, and my anxiety level went up just watching him reorganize!! He though, is a much better sport than I, and quickly went into retaliation mode. Not sure what he has planned for pay back!

This day always reminds me of my brother and his love for the "holiday". The best one he pulled on my was putting serane wrap between the toilet seat to catch my tinkle! Punk. It does make me laugh today though.

Today is also mine and Dave's 1 yr anniversary! He hasn't gotten rid of me yet! In 190 days, it will be legal and he has to keep me FOREVER!

Have a great weekend!

Simple blessings

After writing yesterday's blog, I was so incredibly humbled and felt so loved for all of the amazing comments that my friends and family left in support for mine and Dave's decision regarding Lane and medication. Knowing that people are in our corner lifts us up, elevating us to new levels in parenting. It makes me, as a mom, feel that I am doing what is right for my child. It makes me feel that other parents think I am doing a good job. Though we shouldn't care what others think or feel about us, the truth is that we all do. Knowing that other people think I am a good mom brings smiles to my lips and fuzzies inside.

I realize that I am surrounded by the most amazing people. People who are just a phone call away when I need words of encouragement. Their arms are open when I need a hug. Ears are perked when I need to vent. I am so in awe of these people that God has blessed me with.

It is so easy to focus on the negative (something I greatly tend to do) but then when I stop and look around, I know that I have so much more than I give myself credit for. I have girlfriends that are irreplaceable, parents who have always pushed me to succeed and knew I wouldn't stop until I reached my goal, a fiance who amazes me daily on the amount of love he has for me. A son that words can not even begin to express the happiness he brings me. 2 great siblings, who again, are always in my corner.

This year has brought with it many struggles. Yet, as I look back, I know I have never been alone. Not even for a moment. I have had an amazing God leading me through and amazing companions by my side. Wow. How lucky am I?! How lucky are we all to have these simple blessings!!

The beginning of a new journey

Wednesday was the big day meeting with Lane's physician regarding starting him on any medication for his struggles. I had mixed emotions going into the meeting. On top of those, that was the morning of Lane's puke fest, so I was feeling a bit high strung. I think within the last year, Lane has been to the doctor/therapist more times than I can remember. However, as long as it helps meet the long term goal of helping him, I am all in.

The meeting went kind of how I expected. We discussed the checklist that was given to me by the therapist and where Lane falls within that checklist. We discussed his typical behaviors, the paths we have tried thus far, their success level and such. Prescribing medication to a child at Lane's age can be difficult. The questions that are often raised are the ones pertaining to their lack of maturity and the idea that is it something that will come in time, or do we have a bigger issue on our hands? If their is a bigger issue, then the question whether to wait or not was brought up. The Dr. stated that if indeed Lane does have ADHD, it would be detrimental to him to wait until 3rd or 4th grade when his grades are behind and his behavior had worsened. I told him that I wouldn't stop until every stone was overturned in trying to figure out what was best for Lane.

We ultimately decided to try some medicine to see if it indeed would help Lane. Just filling the prescription was a struggle for me. The idea of putting my child on medicine felt wrong. I felt like I was in a way cheating him, like I was giving up. Taking the easy way out. Not able to handle it on my own. Dave and I talked about it afterwards and ultimately did decide to give him some the next morning. Thursday AM, I poured a bit of juice in a glass and emptied the tiny capsule into it, dissolving it into grape juice goodness. Down the hatch it went. Lane seemed unbothered. I, on the other hand felt torn. Would he be ok? Would anyone notice a difference? What if he had bad side effects? What would people think of me? Of him? Of us? UGH! I then emailed his teacher to let her know of our situation (I love his teacher! She is amazing!). She emailed me back that afternoon saying that Lane had a FANTASTIC day! He sat quietly, walked quietly and was eager to learn. YAHOO! I was so excited to hug him, to love on him! I was SO proud of him.

When he got home, he showed Dave and I how he could tie his shoes. This tended to be a task that would create great frustration for him, but there we sat, on the floor in the mud room watching him tie and double knot his Nike's. Amazing. He was beaming. I was beaming. Dave was beaming. That night, he was a little wound up, but I figured it was due to the excitement of his day. Dave and I tucked him in and went to bed ourselves. Before we knew it, Lane was up twice saying he wasn't tired. Finally at around 10, Dave went and sat with him for a bit trying to get him calm. All seemed quiet on the home front after that....Until 4:30 when he came in our room wide eyed and bushy tailed, ready to start his day. I told him that it was too early and walked him back to bed. He said he wasn't tired and said he had been up all night. WHAT?!?! I automatically went into panic mode. What does he mean he didn't sleep? How will he function today? What if he crashes at school and falls asleep in his lunch? Oh geesh, what do I do now?

I promptly called his doctor as soon as they opened. The nurse said that it could happen and we had to wait it out. REALLY?! Who waits out a 5 yr old who doesn't sleep?! Luckily, she called back after speaking with the doctor and we were to try half doses for the weekend to see if that would help. Luckily for us and Lane, it seemed to take hold. We could see his focus shift. The noises that were normally his constant companion had stopped. Yet, he was still his funny, adorable self.

We have noticed some changes that we are watching closely, as he has tended to want to spend more quiet time alone. Also, when the meds wear off, he can get a bit crazy. Bouncing off the walls. Dave and I are both hoping that once the medicine really gets into his system, these things will work themselves out.

These last few days have been a definite inner struggle, but I know I have Lane's best interest at heart. Dave and I are both committed to helping him to the best of our ability. Lane is our life. Is this medicine the answer? We don't know. Is their other options available? We still have more researching to do. Is Lane happy and loved? ABSOLUTELY!

The flu bug bites

Oh what a day!! Yesterday definitely takes the cake as my most disgusting parenting moment to date. Yesterday morning as I was getting out of the shower, Lane ran to me proclaiming that he "throwed up in his bed 3 times" I naturally thought that the deed had just been done, but was quickly educated by him, that this deed had in fact been done overnight. Meaning, he slept in his ICK all night long!!! (insert gagging reflex here) Oh geeze, I am suppose to be the parent, but now I have to try to hold myself together all while cleaning up ICK and dealing with him. The ICK had to wait as I heard new sounds coming from the bathroom.

The poor kiddo was curled over the 'loo tossing his cookies like a pro. I stood behind him, rubbing his back, trying to calm him the best I could. In a quick break from the action, he told me his knees were shaking, so I quickly got him to kneel and that seemed to help a bit (I can't help but remember that I was in that exact position many times in my college days). Once that episode was over, it then moved to the other end...I practically pulled him off the ground in order to make his booty sit down as quickly as I could. I don't think I could have handled cleaning up 2 kinds of ICK in one day!

Luckily, he only had one more puking session after that. Though his bottom end was a different story. Before he would have to "go" he would grab his belly and get a look on his face saying, "oh S%#^!" (no pun intended) We would both scurry to the bathroom just in time. I felt so bad for him, watching him in such discomfort, knowing there wasn't a damn thing I could do to make it better.

Our day was filled with snuggles, pedialite and the BRAT diet. I would like to say that it my magical snuggles that made the ICK stop around 1:00, but I am sure the pedialite and bland food played a much bigger role!

Now here's hoping that the ICK doesn't make a move onto me or Dave. Now that we're engaged, doesn't mean I have to clean up his ICK too, does it???

*I am coming to the realization that many of my posts pertain to Lane and the bathroom. Thinkin' I should get some new material!*

life as usual

Life has been pretty routine lately, something that I am totally ok with. Sometimes it is so easy for life to get away from us that we forget the comfort of our daily routine. We haven't had any big plans, just hangin', enjoying the simple times.

Dave is in DC until tomorrow for business, which leaves Lane and I to fend for ourselves. Last night was filled with leftovers for dinner and tons of snuggie time. Totally low key, but we both enjoyed it. I capped off my night by falling asleep on the couch. Exciting stuff, huh?

I awoke this morning to rain. Pretty dreary today. A perfect day for sweats, daytime TV and naps. Yet here I am, drinking some cocoa at my desk. It's all part of the routine.

Tomorrow...repeat :)

Spring is a comin'

This weeks weather has been AMAZING compared to the past months. The milder temps have brought us outside to enjoy the sun, wind and scents of spring. Monday evening Dave, Lane and I sat outside as we grilled steak for dinner. It was so nice to sit and listen to the sounds. Lane was excited to see the ducks who live by the creek behind our house. These times are some of my favorite. When I can just sit back and observe my family. It is when no words are needed to be said, we can just be together and enjoy.

This week also brought Spring Break for Lane. He has loved the more relaxed routine of spending time at daycare playing rather than at school learning! He has also loved getting to wear his spring jacket compared to his hefty winter one. His scooter and bike have made their way from the basement and are ready for their spring tune up.

I absolutely love Spring and all of the things it has to offer. More daylight, fresh smells, new plants, spring rain showers, open windows, etc... It all puts me in a spot of happiness.

Weekend Recap

This weekend was nice. There was no scheduling, just enjoying family. Lane and I met up with my parents for breakfast on Saturday morning. This was especially nice since I haven't seen them since late January. I love being able to sit and chat with them. I love to watch my mom google over Lane. It is a no pressure, happy time.

Lane and I hung out most of the day, making a trip to the salon for me, while sneaking in a cut for him. The afternoon rounded out with a trip to the mall for an opportunity for him to run off some energy in the playground and for me to do some retail therapy (something I do very well!).
The 3 of us treated ourselves to a cook free dinner and went to one of my favorite Mexican restaurants, Chapala. I overate on guac and chips, but it was soooo tastey!

I became reacquainted with my dear friend, the treadmill on Sunday morning. Did a 2 mile run/walk combo. I really need to get my butt in gear to be wedding dress perfect! Lane and I did crunches together and laughed a lot. Laundry was done, dinner was made, snuggle time was had.

Now back to the grind! Happy Monday!

Behavior struggles brought to light

My Wednesday was filled with the slight chaos of an unscheduled appointment and all of the shifts in a schedule it can bring. Lane was originally scheduled to go to his therapist next Friday (which was a reschedule due to a family emergency 2 wks ago by the doc) but around 10:30 I got a call saying that there had been a cancellation and they could see Lane at 2. This worked out best for work, so I took a half day and shuttled Lane to his appointment.

Each time we go, I learn so much more about myself, as a parent and about Lane, as a child. The overall focus of this appointment was the doc bringing to light the idea that Lane might be ADD or ADHD. This is something he has been seeing and hearing during our previous sessions. I have to say, as a mom, it hurt to hear. He had me read over a list of symptoms that individuals with this condition typically possess. It was startling how many of the bullet points correlated with Lane's behavior.

Last night also brought the dreaded conversation with Lane's dad. That went better than I had expected, but at the same time, I felt that he was hesitant in believing the findings. Today, the therapist is going to contact him and discuss the situation further. I pray that he sees that Lane needs the stability that he gets here and that the lengthy amount of time away could end up causing more harm to him.

Today brings more phone calls to Doctor's, emails to his teacher, etc to try to get the best plan panned out for Lane. It can be so hard at times to keep that parent facade up, when all you want to do is hug your baby and wish they didn't have to go through the struggles that they are faced with. I am hoping that together, we can all come up with the best plan to help Lane and make this transition as painless as possible.

I hope everyone has a happy Thursday! Date night with my honey tonight, which will be a welcomed distraction :)

Please pass the TP

When I get frustrated, I bite my nails. I started today off with long ones, and am now down to stubs. Why?? Let me tell you why...

As I was leaving daycare this morning a mom stops me and says that her child was hit by Lane. I proceeded to apologize to her for his behavior if he indeed hit them and assured her that hitting has been something that Lane has made vast improvements on in past months (case in point...he has gone from receiving approximately 19 incident reports in a week to MAYBE 1 a month!) BIG IMPROVEMENT!!! She agreed with me there and said that she too could tell a difference...then proceeded to tell me that if Lane hit her child again, she would call the board of directors on him. At first I was taken aback and didn't say much and before I knew it, the conversation was over.

Back in my car, my frustrations began to grow. First of all, names are not written on incident reports, so she is asking her child, and I am sure they are saying Lane's name. BUT there is no way of knowing if her child is telling the truth (I have to say, that she is one of those mom's who thinks her poop don't stink, ya know what I mean?). My mama claws began to come out and I called daycare to get the low down on the situation. They said that she had spoken to them and they can't be positive that it is Lane who hit her child. The lady also said "they ARE schoolagers and it happens." Exactly, it HAPPENS!! Also, who is to say that her child didn't provoke the situation?

Now, I know better than anyone how Lane can be, but in my heart of hearts, I know that he is not a bad kid and has worked tremendously hard to improve his behavior. I really wish I was the confrontational type, because after she left, I felt bad for not sticking up more for my child. Does Lane mess up from time to time? Absolutely, but in some cases I can guarantee that it is not completely his fault. I feel that he has more than proved himself in his actions. Luckily, the folks at daycare have too seen the improvement in him and know that we are taking continued steps to make that improvement grow even more. *sigh*

The sarcastic side of me wants to take her some TP and tell her to stop and take a whiff, but I will politely wait and let the appropriate people handle the situation. :)

Amanda Jo

Today, my friends, has been a rough one. 6 years ago today, I lost one of my closest friends to a car accident. When people die who are at older age, it somehow seems more accepted in a way since they are perceived as having lived a good life. When someone dies at the age of 23, it comes as a shock in more ways than one. In many ways, their lives are just beginning, they are just starting to figure out who they are and what they want their life to be made up of. In an instant, that can all be taken away, leaving them gone and leaving their family and loved ones with a void, never being able to be filled. The day I found out Amanda and her boyfriend, Jason had died the previous evening in a car accident is a day that will forever be etched in my mind. In a mere moment, the breath was taken from my chest and hysterics came in large, submerging waves. The idea that she was gone, was something that I could not even begin to comprehend. We all live our lives in this type of denial, thinking that the unthinkable could never happen to us...until it does.

When Amanda passed, I was 8 months pregnant with Lane. I flew home the next day, knowing that missing her last goodbye was not possible. I lived those next days in a daze. 2 wakes and 2 funerals in as many days. I felt that my life was ripped apart and couldn't begin to think of picking up the pieces. To this day, there is not a single day that goes by that I don't think of her, wondering what her life would be like today. I still find myself reaching for the phone to call her when things happen that I know she would love.

A month and 8 days after her passing, I had Lane and my grief grew to higher levels than I ever imagined. I was then able to understand the love that a parent has for their child, and the idea of losing them brought me to my knees. I grieved for her parents, her brother, her family. Though my pain was great, their pain was even more.

Throughout the years, I have been able to slowly move forward, able to live my life without the daily struggle of grief. I feel her around me, letting me know that she's ok. I still have my selfish moments, wanting her here, yet am comforted with the idea that she is in a place we all hope to be. So until then, I can look forward to the day until we can laugh together again, telling each other our crazy stories, until I can feel her hugs.

So, my friends, hug your loved ones tight tonight. Let them know you love them to the moon and back.

Lucky Girl

Since I have shared the news of my engagement to Dave, I thought it would be relevant to tell you a little bit more about the guy who has my heart. Dave and I met 2 years ago when he came to where I work and interviewed for a position. From the get go, I thought he was attractive (he says the same about me!) but thought he was out of my league. He seemed very professional and quiet. Me..I'm professional, but quiet is not something I possess! When around him, I found myself trying to talk to him about anything and everything. When he would walk away I would sit and cower my head as I replayed the conversation, realizing that I sounded like a complete idiot! I was so nervous around him and would constantly stumble my words, making relatively no sense at all! We went on this way for well over a year, until I became interested in the whole running thing. Before we knew it, we were running together, talking about everything under the sun. I was surprised at the amount we had in common. He made me laugh and gave me so much encouragement throughout my running struggles.

Almost a year ago, he FINALLY made the first move!! I had recently moved into a new apartment, which happened to be across the street from his condo. I innocently texted him one evening asking how a cooking class was going that he was taking with his mom. He later texted back stating that he had wine if I had glasses...come on now, it was TOTALLY obvious! So we sat and talked over wine and have been together ever since! :)

We have definitely had our share of struggles but have learned so much about each other and our relationship each time. It is crazy that I get to be with someone who respects and loves me no matter what. Coming from past relationships, I honestly thought that this kind of love wasn't in the cards for a girl like me. I pictured Lane and myself living our life. Now, we get the great addition of a man who loves us both!

School conference recap

Last night Lane had his second set of school conferences. As a parent, I am still adjusting to this part of the job. It is so surreal to me to be sitting there, in those tiny seats, talking about Lane's progress. I can't believe that I have a child half way done with his kindergarten experience! :( Thankfully though, the meeting went well! Lane is doing great on many levels, yet still needs some work on his writing. To him, that stuff is boring. Little does he know, that we will now be implementing a nightly writing routine to get him caught up! This whole education business is big stuff in my house. School will always be numero UNO! Growing up, this wasn't a problem for me, but I did see my siblings get privileges and beloved possessions get taken away quite frequently for their lack of learning. I am not opposed to do the same with my kid(s). Even at his young age, I am trying to teach Lane that the most important quality he can posses is knowledge. The boy is smarter than he realizes but needs to learn to apply himself in order to reach his full potential. With his mama constantly looking over his shoulder, hopefully he will learn quickly! :)

Dinnertime dilemma

Dinnertime and Lane have always been a stressful combination. The child takes bird sized bites and tends to jabber his jaws a bit too much, causing dinnertime to go on...and on...and on. I previously mentioned that when dinner is ready, we now start a timer for 30 minutes. This is the length of time Lane gets to finish his meal. Though this time limit is helping, Dave and I are constantly telling him to focus, take a bite, sit right, etc. It makes dinnertime very stressful and chaotic.

Lane also tries to pull the potty trick. He will say he has to go REALLY bad, which then turns into a tantrum when we refuse to let him go. (our rule is that once you are at the table, you are there until you are done). Last night, this was the exact scenario that played out. Lane was nibbling away until Dave asked him to turn his chair correctly. It started with little whines, then moved to I have to go potty, and finally climaxed when he was put in timeout. The thing is, is that Dave and I both know that Lane truly does not have to go to the bathroom. When we tell him of this knowledge, it completely sets him off and we begin the cycle of timeout.

Maybe we should start making him go potty before dinner, causing him no more excuses. I have also contemplated the idea of no longer bickering at him to eat his dinner, in the hopes that eventually he will get a clue. But then there is the mom side of me who thinks that he will be hungry and that it's my job to make sure he gets enough to eat. HELP!! Please tell me that some other parents out there are either experiencing my same struggles or have been in my situation before.

Lets hope tonight brings with it a better outcome.

Simple

Blessed.... enough said :)

Gal Pals

This weekend was filled with wedding prep. My MOH, Teresa and I spent our entire Saturday running around town getting things lined up, looking at decorations, dresses, shoes, jewelry, etc...It was a fantastic day spent with my fantastic friend. It is amazing how my friendships have changed as I have grown older. I no longer think of my close friends as merely friends, but they have grown into my family. Teresa and I have been friends for almost 10 years, and it seems that each year, our friendship grows to new levels. This girl has stuck by me through so much, that without her, I think I would be lost. She often knows when something is wrong by noticing a look, a tone, etc. I am so lucky to have her and other gals around me to fill my heart with happiness.

If I had a piece of advice for people, it would be to hold your friendships so incredibly close to your heart. When you surround yourself with people who constantly encourage, push and stand by you, your amount of confidence grows.

How have your friends influenced your life? What is something that your friendships have taught you as you have grown older?

Roots

Last weekend at church we began a series about maintaining strong roots in relationships. The sermon focused on forming strong roots within a marriage. How fitting for me! The main idea, though there were several aspects of importance, was that marriages often die when one or both of the people focus on the ME rather than the WE. I have to say, looking back on my past relationship, I can definitely see that was something that played a big role in the fall. Now, since I am lucky enough to have a second chance at this thing called LOVE, with a man who is more amazing than I could ever have imagined, it is my mission to always put the WE before the ME. Will I falter at times? Absolutely. I just know that this relationship is the real deal. I need to treat it with all the care and attention that it deserves.

Have a great weekend! Any big plans???

Mama

My mom is my rock. For the 29 years that I have known her, she has always stood strong, anchored, ready for what life throws at her. She has always looked at life as an opportunity and welcomed the challenges that it brings her way. While I was growing up, she worked 3 jobs in order to support herself, my dad and kids while my dad was laid off. There was never a minute of hesitation, just determination to provide for her family. She did it all...

My parents divorced when I was 11. It was during that time that I again saw the strength that my mother possessed. She worked, went back to school and took care of me and my siblings. She was up before the sun and wouldn't sit until the moon was high. She again, did it all...

Just over 10 years ago, my mom began experiencing numbness along with a bluish tint in her fingers. After examination, it was determined that she had a slight blockage in an artery that would require her to have a stint placed across her chest to remedy the symptoms. Sounds simple enough....

After the procedure, my mom woke up in excruciating pain. A pain that medicine wouldn't fix. After further investigation, it came to light that during surgery, my mom's surgeon pinched a nerve, leaving it without blood flow for over 20 minutes, causing permanent nerve damage running down my mom's right arm. To put it in easy to understand terms, my mom's arm felt like it was on fire. The nerves were constantly "firing" causing an unmeasurable amount of pain. After medications failed, she again went under the knife to cut the sympathetic nerve in the hopes of ending the pain once and for all. We all waited in anticipation for her to wake up and see the outcome. Sadly, she was just as bad, if not worse than she was before. In a matter of months my mom went from doing it all to needing someone to help her do the simplest things. She had to relearn to write, how to hold her fork, etc. Seeing my mom like this was something I was so unprepared to witness. Throughout my life she has been unstoppable. She was the one always handing out help, but had now become the one needing it.

More months went by with no end to her pain. Clothes were painful, as her pain spread from her arm to her chest, back and hip. It was then that she was referred to a pain clinic in Cedar Rapids where she received 7 electrodes placed into her spine with a remote inserted into her belly to transmit electric shocks to deaden the pain. This, at times, seemed to work. However, our success was short lived, as her body became immune to the unit and no longer supplied her with the relief she needed.

Throughout this journey, my mom has been diagnosed with Reflex Sympathetic Dystrophy (RSD). RSD is a disorder that is characterized as severe chronic pain that includes a burning sensation. My mom went from invincible to fragile. It has been over 10 years since I have been able to give my mom a hug with both arms. I can't squeeze her, just gently pat her good side. She has good days as well as bad. But the thing that astonishes me, is that through her pain, my mom is still living her life. Loving her family. Doing it all....

Dinner by candlelight

Last night Dave made one of my FAVORITE dinners. It is shrimp and pasta with this yummy garlic/olive oil mix with cilantro, cherry tomatoes and a whole bunch of other goodies. So, in our quest to have Lane eat what we eat, I was a bit nervous. First of all, he has never had shrimp so I was nervous over that. Second of all, he has an aversion to anything GREEN that is present in a dish. As dinner was ready, Dave thought that it was a perfect time to have dinner with the table lit with nothing but candles. This wasn't done to set the mood for later, it was simply to disguise the greenness of the dish for Lane! Lane was pumped by the different scenery and dug into his dinner! Bravo, Dave on a fantastic idea!

Lane wasn't a fan of the shrimp. Though, this wasn't really a shocker to me. He liked the flavor but the texture was a bit strange for him. I told him we would try it again sometime soon. He wasn't opposed to it as of yet, so lets keep our fingers crossed that he too will fall in love with shrimp!

Wedding update: We are meeting with a caterer tonight. Keep your fingers crossed!

Papers, pens and OCD

I must say that since becoming engaged 11 days ago, I am one organized bride-to-be! Dave, as well as many others would call me slightly over organized, but hey, a girl has to know what's goin' on! My boss did laugh at me yesterday for having a file thingy with all of my info in it. But..after explaining my OCD (which he fully sees on a daily basis) he backed off. :) I can not STAND it when I am unorganized. ( Now, if I could only keep my clothes off the floor and jewelry in the box my life would be grand!) So, I did what any girl would do....I walked into Staples (I heard angels singing) and bought a file folder, notebook and new pens. Yes, I really did need the new pens. You CAN NOT leave staples, or any other office supply store without buying pens. It is office supply store ettiqute!! Though I must say that I am slightly disappointed in the way my new pens write. Don't act like this statement is off the wall, I know there are many gals out there that prefer one pen to the next if our writing looks better! :) Oh well, they will have to do for now. After all I (and Dave) have a wedding to pay for! No more stinkin' pens (for now, hehehe).

Ok, so I pretty much just rambled on about a whole lotta NOTHING! On that note, I'm gonna say see ya lata!

Back among the living

Hey folks! I'm back! Sorry for my slight hiatus! Had a sick kiddo! You moms and pops out there know how that goes! Lane got sent home on Thursday with a headache and fever. I was instructed by the nurse that he was not to return until he was 24 hrs without a fever without the help of meds. Well, the fever returned on Thursday night, which meant a snuggle day on Friday was to be had. Little did I know, both Lane and myself would be going stir crazy by 10am! I understand the school rules, but it is definitely puts a kink in my weekly routine when I have to take almost 2 full days off of work. With one of them being for the simple fact that he isn't allowed back. UGH! Oh well, he is back to his crazy, energetic self and back to school today!

OH YEAH!!!! I went wedding dress shopping this weekend! SOOOOOO fun! I took Dave's mom and my friend Julie (who is also a bridesmaid) I tried on well over 20 dresses. I think I found "the one" but am going this weekend with my MOH, Teresa so she can give me her opinion too. Can't wait!

Have a happy Monday!

Pee Man strikes again!

Lane's pee appeared to have eyes for his schools bathroom floor yesterday, as he proceeded to pee on it. UGH! He had a character check sent home for me to sign which brought with it a timeout and no DS for a week. He feels really bad for his bad day yesterday. :( It is always hard for me to sometimes dish out the discipline on his "off" days. Heck, we all have them! Mind you, the majority of us, I do believe would refrain from tinkling on the floor, but we all have bad days, pee or no pee...

Today however, started off splendid! Dave left for a business trip in Orlando this morning so it was just the two of us. Lane got up early and snuggled in our bed watching cartoons. He did a great job listening this morning which brought on some extra snuggle time before leaving! Man how I wish he would be a snuggler forever!!! If he keeps his good attitude today, I am sure it will be great!

Wedding plans are in full swing! Going dress shopping this weekend and next! Wish me luck! I have also found great, crafty ideas for table decorations. SO exciting!

Happy Thursday!

Does your pee have eyes?

Apparently, Lane's pee has eyes enabling it to see the toilet and know it is time to release. Oh the conversations of children! Here's the back story...

Last night, Lane was playing his DS and apparently was unable to feel the pressure to go potty. This lack of pressure caused him to have an accident. This accident went unnoticed to him until dinner time when the DS distraction was turned off. While at dinner, Dave and I asked the obvious question..."Why didn't you pause your game to pee?" His response..."Well, I think my pee has eyes that look for the toilet, when they see it, the pressure comes and I can pee. When I'm not by a toilet, they can't see it so the pressure isn't there and I don't know to pee" REALLY?!?!??

I think I sat there open mouthed for a few moments at the thought that my child REALLY thinks his pee holds human characteristics. Should I be concerned?! :) Maybe I should ask him if he pee has a brain which can be used to think about going potty on a regular basis.

I guess the moral of this tale is that you never know who or what may be peekin' at you at any time and more potty breaks are in our future.

Happy Wednesday!

P.S. Wedding planning update... Got hair appointments booked and going dress shopping this Saturday and next to find me somethin' purdy for my fella :)

Let the planning BEGIN!

It has been 4 days since I became engaged and we have already set a date! October 8th...that leaves around 8 months to plan this shindig! Wowza! Dave and I decided to get hitched at a beautiful winery outside of Dubuque. We love wine, but traveling to a California winery is too expensive so it seemed like the most logical idea! :) PLUS, we lucked out with someone canceling for that day the day before I called. Talk about fate!! I am now in the mode of picking out colors, invites, thinking about caterers, cakes, linens, etc... Did I mention that my head might just spin off my shoulders if I don't hold it still?? Oh well, it is all part of the madness that leads up to the happiest day of my life when I get to marry the man of my dreams :)

Day of Love

Trying to find the right words to describe the events of this weekend seems impossible. To say that I feel so incredibly blessed and lucky in my life, at this moment is an understatement. I feel as if my feet have been levitating off the ground and my jaws hurt from the constant smile that is across my face. Why, you ask? On Friday evening, before our pre Valentine's Day dinner, Dave asked me to MARRY HIM!!!!!! It was a moment filled with so much emotion and love.

Never in my wildest dreams did I think that I would ever find a man like Dave. He is someone who loves me for me. He loves the no make up, hair a mess, dressed in sweats Sarah. He makes me happier than I ever imagined I could be and for that, I am forever grateful. I love him to pieces and can not WAIT to start our life together!

We are just dipping into the planning, thinking of September or October of this year. YEAH!! :) I have a feeling that many future posts will pertain to the planning and such, hope it doesn't bore you! Happy Valentine's Day everyone! Hug somebody you love!!!!

Here's the song Dave had playing as he asked me to MARRY HIM!

TGIF

It's Friday! Not only is it Friday, but it is Valentine's Day date night for Dave and I! Can't wait!! :) A night with my honey, good food, good wine, great conversation! Can't WAIT! :) :) Lane is headed to Minnesota for the weekend with his grandparents, so Dave and I will get some catch up time. Life gets so busy that it is nice to take a break and reconnect. The weather is FINALLY suppose to be warming so that is definitely another plus!

I am smilin' today and I hope you all are too! Have a great weekend! Anyone have any great plans????

Mr. Tude's return

Mr. Attitude has returned! He has returned with a vengence, leaving me exhausted. Yesterday, when picking up Lane, I was met with a scowl and him yelling at me that he didn't want to leave! I'm sorry child, but are you the one who drives the car, makes your dinner, cleans your clothes?? I don't think so bucko! Reluctently and quite loudly, he gathered his belongings, which by the way, he managed to lose his 3rd hat of the winter season, and went to the car. Once situated, I asked him why he was so angry. He responded that he just started watching Brendon play his DS and pretty much the world was ending because he was asked to leave. The things that he flips out about sometimes leave me with my head shaking in confusion. He continued his tantrum on the way home which correlated to a timeout that he didn't agree with. While pulling into the garage, he told me that he wished he was an adult so he could do as he pleased. He then continued to sit in the car for several minutes until he could come inside and act appropriately. I don't allow that behavior in my house, so he had to apologize before moving on. Dave and I are really trying to work with him on the idea that his actions cause a consequence. I think he is finally getting it...a little.

This morning attitude again reared his ugly head with the beloved DS. I told him that he could play it for a few minutes before leaving. But again, once he was asked to turn it off and get his boots on, the yelling and growling began. Ugh! Dave took over with this one and they had a heart to heart which made Lane again realize that his actions and decision dictate how his day will be.

Lets hope he turned it around and has a good day!

Daydreamer

When I was a child, I would sit for what seemed like hours staring at the sky, daydreaming of far off lands behind the clouds. Things were so simple then. No worries, just dreams. I see that same thing in Lane today. His imagination is what drives him. I look in his eyes and see the possibilities that run through his mind. His excitement is contagious. In his eyes, he can be anything. I hope as he gets older, that light still burns. I hope he knows that his opportunities are endless. This world can be a harsh place at times, yet I hope he keeps his fire and sees the good within. I hope he loves with passion, stands up for what he believes in, doesn't settle for less than he deserves.

I also hope that I, as his parent, do my part in keeping those things alive in him. I hope I can continue to push him to new levels, yet be there if he falters, to stand back when I should and allow him to make his own decisions. It is so hard to let go, even at his young age of 5. I want to surround him in this bubble of comfort and stability, yet know that he needs to learn to break away, little by little. We work so hard as parents to provide our children with what they need. To love, punish, push, preach, encourage, listen....the list goes on. We then hope that what we did was enough. Is it ever enough???