It has been 3 months since the marathon and I have recently gotten back into some type of workout routine. I try to go to the gym or do a workout DVD at least 3 days a week. Sadly though, working out with Jillian Michaels isn't too exciting. I look at her and the skinny bimbos working along side her and secretly hate them for their effortlessness. Really Jillian, do you think a NORMAL individual is meant to kick that high or squat that low? Not this girl! My clumsy ass is about to fall over when asked to put all my weight on one leg and kick the other to the side. Then, while at the gym I am so self conscious of the meat heads around me that I spend most of my time making sure my fat isn't rolling out over my pants! It is so ungodly frustrating, this whole working out thing. I try and I try and I try to get lean and toned, but this body of mine feels otherwise. This result adds to the feeling of discouragement. I put this work in, try to eat healthy and live a healthy lifestyle. Yet, things aren't panning out how I want them to! It is so incredibly discouraging to look at a commercial, magazine or newspaper and see Miss Perfect staring back at me! I know that I shouldn't let the media play into my view of my body. But anyone who says they don't, at least to some degree, is lying. We have this view of perfection and everyone, in some way shape or form, tries their best to attain it.
Maybe I am at the more critical end of that spectrum. I know that I drive Dave CRAZY with my constant self loathing. I need to be happy with what I've got. This is something that I am struggling with, yet really trying to learn to do. I am trying not to point out every imperfection and actually try to embrace them. Yet, I find myself constantly comparing myself to the lady shopping next to me, the girl at church, etc. If I look at a picture of myself, my eyes automatically target the bad parts, paying no attention to the things about myself that I am ok with. Why can't I get past this?
Dave and I love cooking and we love to eat. We try to cook as healthy as possible, yet I find myself at the same number on the scale. I make sure I eat breakfast every morning, followed by a snack at 10:00, lunch, a snack at 3:00, then dinner. In general, I try to be done with dinner by 7:00 and cut myself off for the rest of the night.
Not sure where to go from here, but I am thinking that I simply need to kick it up a notch. Make myself even more accountable for the things that I do. Bump up my workouts and the number of days. It's either time to zip my lip and be happy with what I've got or put on my big girl undies and make a change.
You probably can tell from my blog that I'm dealing with these same issues. Body after baby is never quite the same. I try to remind myself though that I have a man that adores me and never once has that love been affected by what the number on the scale reads. I also remind myself that God's love for me and my children's love for me also has nothing to do with the scale. Now getting ourselves to love that way is the trick.
ReplyDeletePS...I started taking the supplements L-Arginine and L-Glutathione (spelling???) that are natural ways to get toxins (dead crap) out of your system. That combined with healthy eating and drinking tea and exercising is a surefire way shed some.
Thanks for the info Steph! :)
ReplyDeleteSarah, I love this blog because I can relate and totally agree with those frustrations. We shouldn't let those LITTLE imperfections get to us but reality is, we do. I hate my stomach - I will never have a 6pack EVER - and I hate that I carry weight in my face for all to see. We wouldn't be women if we didn't have these feelings and frustrations; it's in our nature to want what we can't have and strive for perfection. Although I want to give you the advice to be happy with what you have and not worry about those little imperfections, I understand how you feel. So the advice I will give you is to try Weight Watchers. You don't need to go to the classes or join full-time but definitely check it out (I did their online thing 2 years ago and still remember everything I learned). You said that you love to eat and you eat healthy. You may eat healthy but the one thing I love about Weight Watchers and what they teach their customers is food control and they inform you on what you are REALLY eating in those foods that you so-call think are healthy and good for you. I use to think I was a healthy eater and then, after I followed the Weight Watcher diet for 3 months, I realized how much crap is really in some food. I had no idea how bad a soda really is for you and cream cheese! I love cream cheese and put it in everything but it is horrible for you! WW gives you a lot of tips that will change your eating habits forever. Like I said, you don't need to sign up for WW but definitely look into their system and do some research. Good luck and keep blogging!
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